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56 years. Extreme mood swings, unusual behaviour, routine oriented, short temper, dominating, abusive. Advice

hi, i just had a very unusual bizzare weird 6 month live in relationship with a 56 yoear old male. He has a brother diagnozed with sczitophrenia, a nephew with aspergers. on the first meet he wanted coffee at my place, i reluctantly said yes. whilst making coffee he slyly quietly came behind me unanounced and engaged in physical sex. that made me feel overwhelmed in shock in the safety of my own home. being adult to adult i didnot feel threatend, he acted ina quiet way. Whilst living in my home i slowly noticed unusual signs and symptoms that i havent seen before in any other relationships. He was very routine oriented with waking at 5 am, shower 5.30 breakefast 5 45gym 6 am, ironing 7 am , bus to work 730, home 5 30 pm, cooking together at 6pm eating 7pm whilst he slowly introduced alchol into the equation with 4 beers and i bottle wine and with me sharing a glassor two or three. He was asleep onbthe the couch by 730 awake 830 the to bed by 9pm withonly cuddles from behind, he would cover my face withthe sheets. cuddles early morning before getting outof bed. sex only from behind very rarely in middle of night. e constANTLY spoke of previous relationships in a critisising way except with bragging about fantastic sex with previous partner, he stated that didnt work out as it was about sex and not real communicaiton or interpersonal relations. stated this time bonding without sex may be longer lasting first, then the physical component next. he was reluctanct to engage in going out to dinner, other social activities. over time, there was a bike ride once a fortnight only with his daughter , he was reluctant to do anything together just with the two of us except get a haircut or quickly in and out of the market for groceries for that nights meal. His left hand flapped about without me drawing attnetion to it as to reduce his possible embarassment. He stated he has a high IQ, but reluctantly showed evidence of that. He stated he could easy mess with my mind and that i could easily be brainwashed. He was a gunna person.he didnt contribute to utiltiy costs and avoid transport costs.He prefered me to pick him up from worki in my car using my petrol with a direct bus at the front of his work to drop off at home. i thought it was a romantic thing to do but got annoyed he took advantage of my mother type picking him up.He always go t me to pay for a bottle of wine and said pay you back later, never did, he used my face moisturizer, took care of his body well with good food and exercise at the gym. H e stated everyone thought he was 45 years old and could get any girl he wanted. but chose me as he like me and we got along good with him dominating the routine . I changed my diet wake up time and some of my social activities to include him inmy home as he state he lost all he had in bad business deal. He went from woman to woman with his charismatic stoic use of few words monotone dialogue. if any interjection, he would say hear me out, so my input would be minimal and feedback would be non existence. He had unusual theories on aliens altering our dna which caused our imperfections and short life span. he also had a tic with flapping his nose. if he notice me noticing he would reduce that behaviour. he was clumsy footed and would trip over a small obstical like a pair of shoes inthe way and reluctantly would walk down a small slope of dirt and stone ground, yet could easily ride his mountain bike down a much steeper slope. he can drive cars and motorbikes well and fast. appeared to have no fear with some things. he wouldnt go outside inthe dark to turn the hot water service back on and got quiet agitated with the hot water being off which altered his structure routine and agressively demanded that i get a plumber to fix the hot water. he wouldnt have a shower at the gym AS it wouldnt be hygenically clean enough so he went to his ex girlfriends place. this was followed withan apology. he would walk in the dark for anight walk , but eventually did with walking along the side that was well lit. he stated he hated his mother and father as he stated he was abuse as a the early stage or first meet he drew attention to detail with noticing and my hands with a critical type comment. he made other criitisims to my physical appearance , the way i walked, the way i spoke, the way i kiss (like a turtle). he said he wanted to find out what made me tic. he got agitated and agressive when i asked him to turn the radiostationto quiiete relaxint music whilst trying to get to sleep. he suddenly jumped out of bed yelling he has no where to go and called me spinner. i refused to engage in dialogue and said im not talking im going tosleep. this made him feel anoyed. he finally calmed down. this made me feel frightend. Another time he was angry about catching the bus home as it was getting dark and he said there were no buses. i said i can pick himl up fromthe bus stop he said hell catch a taxi, i said no just wait. he caught the bust then went to catch ataxi to further the journey. i was in contact reassuring and trying to allay his fears and agression. i continued to calmly reasure him when i collected him in the car, he still contiunued his verabal diatribe. i suddenlty had enough of his lack of gratitude that i came half an hour away in the dark wet rainy conditions through 2 traffice accidents, so i stomped onthe brakes and yelled get out. he would so i droveoff in a calm quiet but fast driving way that scared him. i calmly yet sternly assertively said i was a rally car driver and a police officer in my attempt of believable humour to aliviate my stress. finally things calmed down over a beer. he later used this and said i have anger managermnent ssues. Every weekend he would revisit his ex girlfriend for a coffee, i was not invited. he said he was getting his mail and checking his things that he left there so he wouldnt haveto pay. then every 3 weekends he would disappear without tellingme and late rang or txted he was at mates. Later i discovered the mate was a female, his response was that there was nothinghappening,that it was a safe house. he kept saying to me are you still for the journey , ready for the challenge, push the boundaries, up the anti. he did nice things for me, made me cup of tea in bed withhheey. it felt like i was trapped in my own home like a mililtary camp witha few bonuses thrown at me and a few carrot danglers of gunna have good fun together, good life together, yes hell go to paris with me , go camping together and make some planned structure expectations and boundaries to further the relationship. he then took me and bought me a frendship ring a cheap 50 dollar ring very nice, and it was the thought to me from a second hand store. then the next weekend he got ex drunk and abused me with words like go back to your husband, no one wants utc. then that weekend he took of to his safe house as my gut feeling new he was there , so i waited for him there and drove up behind him when he went into the other womans house and i jmped out and said over and put my hand lup andt then ran off inthe car. ifelt mortifiied my whole lifes experiences cavingin ontop of me.

what do think an how do you see this situation. is it a combinationof naricissm, aspergers, liar, cheater, alcholism, contrtol and co dependecy.
Asked On : Wed, 10 Apr 2013
Answers:  1 Views:  56
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Psychiatrist 's  Response
Jun 2013
Hi there ~

After reading your entire story, it seems to me like you are both in a relationship that feeds off of each other emotionally, psychologically, mentally and physically. It might not be the best relationship for your or for him, but there might be no alternatives, since you do not seem to be leaving him nor is he in the decisive phase of leaving you. The family histories do not matter here, since you only describe hi family history and not yours. A good psychologist would be able to work out your relationships and guide you through the inconsistencies that you have had to face since meeting this person. However, setting boundaries and having rules might work in you and your other half's case. Substance use should be discouraged as it just complicates matters of the mind. I hope this helps and you also seek the expert help of a psychiatrist for medications.

Take care and have a lovely day!
Answered: Fri, 24 May 2013
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