Thank you for your query
Your problem seems to be more of anxiety
than a physical problem. First you should take out the notion that a bout of drinking will kill you. It won't unless it is adulterated. Secondly you should introspect and find whether you have some guilt associated with drinking. If yes then either get rid of the guilt or get rid of drinking (seriously drinking is not that essential). You can get yourself re-examined. But i think a dose of anxiolytics are likely to help you more. Go out, exercise, do something which you enjoy or which entertains your thoughts. Try to ignore these feelings and you should do good.
Hope that helps
God bless you