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Why do I feel pain from penetrative sex?

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Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1835 Questions
I'm 23 years old and am bipolar. I just got married a few days ago and my husband and I waited to have sex. Before we got married we made out/ foreplay alot and it felt awesome. as soon as we got married I got super emotional. For the first few days I cried whenever he touched me. Nothing turns me on. at first I was so tight he could barely get his little finger inside me. Today we tried with his penis and it was so painful i couldn't stand it. ( I wasn't aroused at all, we used lube). My husband it incredible gentle, kind and patient; he doesn't pressure me or make me feel guilty. I love him so much, and I just want to enjoy being with him!!
Posted Thu, 3 May 2012 in Vaginal and Uterus Health
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 3 hours later

Thanks for your query.

Important points of your query:
•     Presence of Bipolar illness
•     Chief complaint: Pain and Phobia from penetrative Sex
•     Good support from husband

You appear to suffering from the condition called vaginismus in which patient has severe pain in intercourse leading to lack of enjoyment and phobia from sex. This is the result of a reflex spasm of the PC muscle. The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes intercourse—painful or impossible. This condition is not related to bipolar disorder.

Following steps need to be done for treatment:
•     Do not take any stress and worry much about your problem as it will get cured soon.
•     Proper sex education: read about physiology of sex and watch sex educational video to decrease your anxiety related to sex.
•     Enjoy foreplay and physical intimacy regularly without sex.
•     Involve in gradual stepwise penetration: with small to large finger or use of vaginal dilators with increasing size according to your comfort. You can also use local anaesthesia with xylocaine during dilation
•     Improvement may take time so never hurry.

Hope this will help you.

Wishing you Good Health.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Why do I feel pain from penetrative sex? 8 hours later
Thanks so much. Your answer is really helpful except for one thing:
Why was I able to enjoy intimacy before marriage and not after?
The fact that I can't become aroused at all makes me feel like there's no hope. Why am I suddenly unable to feel any pleasurable sensation? Is it just because I'm afraid of what happens next?
Also, I feel terrible admitting this but I really didn't like my husbands penis. It's just...unattractive to me. This makes me feel terrible because I know that I should love every part of him, so this troubles me.

Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 29 minutes later

Thanks again,

Currently you are not enjoying physical intimacy like before because of anticipated fear of penetration and pain. Similarly people never like things which are associated with pain. You follow above steps and things will start improving gradually.

Hope this will help you.

Wishing you Good Health.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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