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Why am I not confident and scared of people?

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General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2007
Answered : 1337 Questions
Hi I'm 26 years old female, about 5"8ish and 95kg with no medical history and unsure wether I should see someone.... my problem is I'm always being told I'm quiet and I dont talk and I'm very aware of it. I can never think of anything to say unlike those really social assertive people I XXXXXXX In fact I think I'm scared of people because everytime they talk to me I get really tense and nervous! My tummy twists up, my legs want to run and my brain closes up and goes into panic mode! I just cant relax into a conversation with someone and just talk. I've always found it really difficult to make friends feeling like I'm being judged or criticised or that people would rather talk to someone more interesting or exciting than me. I'm 26 years old, why am I still so unconfident and so scared of everyone?
Posted Thu, 26 Apr 2012 in Anxiety and Stress
Answered by Dr. Mohammed Tauseef 1 hour later
Hi Lizzy,

Thanks for the Query.

I would like to know few more things which would help me in suggesting you better:

1.) Do you have Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work?
2.) Do you get Cold and clammy hands when you speak to a stranger?

Your History suggests you are suffering from, Phobia. Kindly don't worry and get yourself examined by a Psychiatrist as with behavioral therapy, medications and coping skills you can improve your symptoms.

Your Doctor will evaluate you both physically and psychologically to know what exactly is causing your Symptoms, he/she will know better. Once confirmed, the treatment will depend upon the cause, like behavioral therapy, anti depressants and anti anxiety medications.

Bring in some lifestyle modifications:

1.) Start going out and make friends, eat with a close relative, get directions from a stranger, give someone a compliment and when you speak to a stranger look into his/her eyes. It will take some time for you to get acclimatised to this.
2.) Avoid stress and practice relaxation techniques like yoga and meditation
3.) Exercise regularly
4.) Avoid high calorie foods and maintain a healthy weight
5.) Attend a beauty parlor and make yourself look beautiful
6.) Stick to your treatment plan and go for regular follow up.

Hope I have answered your Query, I Will be available to answer your follow up Queries.

Wish you Good Health and All the Best.

Take Care.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Why am I not confident and scared of people? 2 days later

Thankyou for the fast response, I'll go check it out with my GP. And yes, I do get clammy hands when talking to someone, in fact I get shaky all over even if I've been invited just small party with a few people I know. I'll stress over it on the days leading up to it, and I dont even know exactly why I'm stressing over it! I just cant seem to help it. At work I actually find I'm okay talking to the customers and strangers (I think because in my mind I know I'm probably never gonna see them again,) yet strangely I cant seem to get close to my workmates (I had them in mind when I wrote my question) outside talking about work related stuff. So I think they figure I dont like them much or I'm not into the job and I tend to feel a bit left out of things. Yet I just get so nervous I dont engage in conversation. I either get scared or or I get defensive. Everyone I've ever met had told me they wish I'd talk more, and I know I'd like to be more of a conversationalist and find out how to get over this nervousness.
Answered by Dr. Mohammed Tauseef 4 hours later
Hello Lizzy,

Thank you for Writing back.

Your Follow Up Query confirms that you have Social Phobia. Not to worry as it is not something serious but it has to be attended by a Psychiatrist so the he/she may examine you and see what is wrong.

In the meantime, follow the lifestyle modifications which I have suggested, Stick to your treatment plan and go for regular follow up.

Wish you Very Good Health and All the Best.

Take Care.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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