Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.

I presume that you are both excited and a little anxious about your ‘first night’, and these feelings are common in almost all young males before marriage.

Regarding your first question, I would like to give you the following suggestions:

1) Firstly, you must remember that sex is a very intimate experience and so, it is important to make your partner feel comfortable first, especially if this is an arranged marriage and you don’t know her closely. So, talk to her for some time and make her comfortable and relaxed.

2) It would be a good idea to initially make non-sexual intimacy moves such as holding hands, embracing, kissing, etc. which will slowly bring her to the comfort zone, before initiating any sexual moves.

3) Foreplay is an important part of sex, and this is especially very applicable in the first night. You must understand that your partner must also be in an anxious state of mind and hesitant about sex. So, with this anxiety and hesitancy, if she is not properly aroused, then sexual intercourse can be uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. So, start off your sexual activity with a gentle foreplay (like caressing, fondling, etc.) which will arouse her and bring her into a ‘romantic mood’. As she becomes responsive, you can increase the intensity of the foreplay and then move on to have proper sexual intercourse. A good foreplay will increase the vaginal secretions, thus making penetration and intercourse more comfortable. For you also, it will give you a good erection and a better climax.

4) For the first night, the position which is preferable would be the “missionary position” (i.e. with the man lying on top of the woman). The reason is this method is simple, doesn’t require much effort, and is comfortable and easy for both partners. Moreover, since in our culture, women would be generally hesitant about initiating sex, this position would be better, because in this position, the woman’s role is mostly passive. In the subsequent sexual experiences, as both of you understand each other’s sexual needs better and become more sexually intimate, you can try other positions.

5) In the subsequent sexual experiences, you should also improve your communication with your partner - this means both verbal as well as non-verbal communication. Each person has his or her own ways of getting sexually aroused or feeling sexual pleasure. So, this verbal and non-verbal communication will let each of the partners understand each other's needs and thereby make sex both relaxing and enjoyable.

Regarding your second question, regular use of condoms DOES NOT cause any problems with fertility in both the male and female, and DOES NOT result in after effects like inability to conceive later on. So, please don’t get worried about this as it is not at all true.

I hope I have clarified your doubts. I will be available to answer any follow-ups to this query, if you have any.

Wish you all the best.

Regards,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

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