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What Causes Difficulty In Maintaining Erection?
Question: Hi Doctor. I am 38 year old male from XXXXXXX settled in Malaysia. I have been experiencing infrequent sex drive. Not that I dont ger erections. I get super hard and strong boners but I am not able to hold on to the erection for long. Although sometimes I do hold on to that but not always. Once you reply to my message I'll share more details. I am looking for a paid consultation in this matter .. Thanks
Brief Answer:
Please provide more details
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I am Dr Ashok Choudhary consultant psychiatrist and sexologist.
I am willing to offer consultation for the problem mentioned over here and like to get more details about the problem.
Thanks again.
Please provide more details
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I am Dr Ashok Choudhary consultant psychiatrist and sexologist.
I am willing to offer consultation for the problem mentioned over here and like to get more details about the problem.
Thanks again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Dear Doctor,
I got married a year back and I am very much attracted to my wife and love her very much although we land into frequent altercations and fights but we patch up soon and get along well
During the initial couple of months of my marraige I used to maintain my erection for long and I wouldnt cum without a handjob. My wife got satisfied easily but was upset about the fact that I didnt cum within her.
I then did some mental exercise imagining different role plays and I started cumming inside her. Then for a while everything was fine but then I faced this new problem of either cumming very early or not being able to hold on to my erection for long. Like for the last 3 or 4 days I was happy with my wife doing other things like partying, cooking, movies etc but didnt make out or had sex. Today when we cane close then I lost my erection once and the second time I cummed early
Some points to mention is as follows
1) I did have a couple of physical relationships in the distant past
2) I like the woman on top position only and I am abke to maintain erection only in that position
3) I lose erection with the thought that I have to move and get on top
4) I love female domination in sex and the female going wild and that gives me a hard erection
5) About 3 years back I had to take some anti depressants after my dad passed away. I took for 3 months
6) My wife is very attractive and we love each other intensely. Just that both of us have become fat. But that's never an issue to me. Just that it poses more problems when I try to get on top
7) A strange thing is that when my wife is not with me physically, we do dirty sex chat on watsapp and I get rock hard chatting with her and seeing her seductive photos and I maintain my erection as long I dont jerk off. And srangely when I am alone I jerk off 3 to 4 times a day chatting with her and seeing her photos. And she is very dominating on chat
Request your help please
Thanks
I got married a year back and I am very much attracted to my wife and love her very much although we land into frequent altercations and fights but we patch up soon and get along well
During the initial couple of months of my marraige I used to maintain my erection for long and I wouldnt cum without a handjob. My wife got satisfied easily but was upset about the fact that I didnt cum within her.
I then did some mental exercise imagining different role plays and I started cumming inside her. Then for a while everything was fine but then I faced this new problem of either cumming very early or not being able to hold on to my erection for long. Like for the last 3 or 4 days I was happy with my wife doing other things like partying, cooking, movies etc but didnt make out or had sex. Today when we cane close then I lost my erection once and the second time I cummed early
Some points to mention is as follows
1) I did have a couple of physical relationships in the distant past
2) I like the woman on top position only and I am abke to maintain erection only in that position
3) I lose erection with the thought that I have to move and get on top
4) I love female domination in sex and the female going wild and that gives me a hard erection
5) About 3 years back I had to take some anti depressants after my dad passed away. I took for 3 months
6) My wife is very attractive and we love each other intensely. Just that both of us have become fat. But that's never an issue to me. Just that it poses more problems when I try to get on top
7) A strange thing is that when my wife is not with me physically, we do dirty sex chat on watsapp and I get rock hard chatting with her and seeing her seductive photos and I maintain my erection as long I dont jerk off. And srangely when I am alone I jerk off 3 to 4 times a day chatting with her and seeing her photos. And she is very dominating on chat
Request your help please
Thanks
Brief Answer:
Follow up
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for reverting back to me.
I have gone through the provided details and of the impression that that there is no pathology and erectile dysfunction is psychological.
Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help you in the erection problem.
Firstly get rid of thoughts that you may be sexually inadequate or your doubts that you may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual indequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication / understanding with the partner, etc. can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for your poor sexual performance. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will definitely help in improving sexual performance. Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving an expression of emotions, intimacy and love. So, just involve yourself in those feelings and stop focussing on your "performance" alone. Once you do that, then I assure you that your sexual performance will automatically improve.
Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" That is, anxiety leads to poor performance and poor performance then leads to further anxiety and this keeps on increasing. In my view this vicious cycle already established in your case and there is definite need to break it altogether and take control of yourself.
One more problem responsible for psychogenic ED is inadequate sexual arousal. When the person is not properly aroused, the blood flow to the penis is not maximal, and so, after a few strokes, the erection weakens and ejaculation occurs. The way to tackle this is not to rush into intercourse quickly, but wait till you get fully aroused. So, increase and spice-up your foreplay. Make sure that you initiate penetration only after both of you are fully turned on. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also sparks off the mood in your partner. So, when she is also aroused and involved, then things keep flowing smoothly and effortlessly, and you don't have to be constantly anxious if you are satisfying your partner or not.
Distract yourself stop "monitoring" your sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you make love. Think about the things that turn you on. Taking your mind off of your sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping you from getting fully aroused.
Wish you all the best in your sexual health.
I hope this helps you further.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Follow up
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for reverting back to me.
I have gone through the provided details and of the impression that that there is no pathology and erectile dysfunction is psychological.
Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help you in the erection problem.
Firstly get rid of thoughts that you may be sexually inadequate or your doubts that you may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual indequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication / understanding with the partner, etc. can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for your poor sexual performance. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will definitely help in improving sexual performance. Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving an expression of emotions, intimacy and love. So, just involve yourself in those feelings and stop focussing on your "performance" alone. Once you do that, then I assure you that your sexual performance will automatically improve.
Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" That is, anxiety leads to poor performance and poor performance then leads to further anxiety and this keeps on increasing. In my view this vicious cycle already established in your case and there is definite need to break it altogether and take control of yourself.
One more problem responsible for psychogenic ED is inadequate sexual arousal. When the person is not properly aroused, the blood flow to the penis is not maximal, and so, after a few strokes, the erection weakens and ejaculation occurs. The way to tackle this is not to rush into intercourse quickly, but wait till you get fully aroused. So, increase and spice-up your foreplay. Make sure that you initiate penetration only after both of you are fully turned on. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also sparks off the mood in your partner. So, when she is also aroused and involved, then things keep flowing smoothly and effortlessly, and you don't have to be constantly anxious if you are satisfying your partner or not.
Distract yourself stop "monitoring" your sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you make love. Think about the things that turn you on. Taking your mind off of your sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping you from getting fully aroused.
Wish you all the best in your sexual health.
I hope this helps you further.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Dear Doctor,
Thanks for your advice. I have sine more querries
1) Does obesity have negative effect on performance? Do I need to reduce weight ?
2) Does overall stress have any bearing on this situation ?
3) Why is it that I have a long lasting erection when I chat with my wife remotely and see her photos ? It lasts for hours and I jerk off 3 times a day when we communicate remotely. But when we come close physically then only this issue creeps in. Why ?
Thanks for your advice. I have sine more querries
1) Does obesity have negative effect on performance? Do I need to reduce weight ?
2) Does overall stress have any bearing on this situation ?
3) Why is it that I have a long lasting erection when I chat with my wife remotely and see her photos ? It lasts for hours and I jerk off 3 times a day when we communicate remotely. But when we come close physically then only this issue creeps in. Why ?
Brief Answer:
Follow up
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for reverting back to me.
My answer to your questions are as follows
1. Yes. Keep your BMI under 25 and check for cholesterol. This may not be contributing today but big killer of your sex life.
2. Yes. That's why expert say that biggest enemy of your sex life are Spirit (alcohol), Smoking and Stress (3S).
3. Because there is no fear of performance. But when you are close to her you have fear of failure.
I hope this answers you further.
Thanks and regards.
Follow up
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for reverting back to me.
My answer to your questions are as follows
1. Yes. Keep your BMI under 25 and check for cholesterol. This may not be contributing today but big killer of your sex life.
2. Yes. That's why expert say that biggest enemy of your sex life are Spirit (alcohol), Smoking and Stress (3S).
3. Because there is no fear of performance. But when you are close to her you have fear of failure.
I hope this answers you further.
Thanks and regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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