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Suggestions to be a better listener?

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Practicing since : 1983
Answered : 1485 Questions
I'm upset with myself. When faced with situations where I should be loyal, I often spill the beans to protect my own interests or to put the blame on someone else. Then I feel terrible about it. There was a situation at work. I was going to take a whole bunch of students to the staff hockey game, a coworker who I like very much didn't think it was fair that I would be handling all of those kids, the other two teachers who classes I was taking have a reputation for being kind of selfish. So, my coworker went and told the office what was happening and the two teachers got an ear full for not taking their own students. One of them came to me in tears and said "how did anyone even know you were taking them?" Instead of saying "I don't know," I told her that my coworker might have said something. Nw I feel like a total backstabber and I'm really mad at myself for saying that. I do this kind of stuff. I don't know if I should go to my coworker and apologize and tell her that I ratted her out. I don't want to hurt her but I already did the wrong thing by her. If someone came to me and told me something like tat I wouldn't be able to trust them. I feel really untrustworthy, even though I do consider myself to be a very nice, kind, generous person, I do find that in times where I feel I need to protect myself or when I don't want people to be mad at me I am not loyal and I hate myself for this I'm very scared to go to her. She does not know that I told the other teacher that she said something. I feel that if I go to her and apologize she will be very hurt that I did that and we won't be friends. I agree that I need to listen more than I speak, I am the type of person who always initiates conversations, talks a lot, and I don't like uncomfortable silence so I fill it up with talking. I'm quite extroverted and have no problem striking up conversations with anyone. I would like some advice on how to become a better listener. And also on how to help myself be less impulsive. Often I speak without really thinking, then regret what I've said. I don't want to be a two faced person, but I seem to do it a lot and I really hate it, it makes me not like myself.
Posted Sat, 8 Mar 2014 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 36 minutes later
Brief Answer: Please follow a few suggestions for better listener Detailed Answer: Hello I shall be very glad to help you become a better listener . In some, this is a god sent ability and others develop it by constant practice , reminding themselves repeatedly. When you talk to some body, try to finish your material in a sentence or two and ask a question from him/her, have eye contact, and wait for her response. Never ever interrupt him/her before he has finished his part. If you have, say "I am sorry". Practice this skill with every one around you ,in office, home and everywhere. This is a very valuable skill , very important to make you look reliable,credible and trustworthy. Speak slowly at a reasonable pace , try to be very clear , audible but not very loud and speak each word clearly. There is no short cuts, it requires constant practice. It can help you achieve great heights in profession also. Same applies to impulsiveness. You have to be very thinking before you act, take a moment before you speak . If you have committed a mistake, don't hesitate in apologizing. Good Luck DR SAATIISH JHUNTRRAA
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