Question: Dr Seikhoo bishnoi. This is XXXXXXX again. I am so depressed. I am isolated and do not have a car and had hoped to be in Israel already. The situation I am in with my daughter XXXXXXX is not good and he is always yelling at me.With my son we got along so well.I am also depressed because of my health issues..this year and last year were so hard but this is the hardest thing of all to be at the mercy of living with a daughter way far away from my former city and supports and being unable to drive anywhere. My son is also not in a good situation living with a bipolar/passive aggressive Dad and step mom..I think we can retrieve the money from the tickets but my health is so bad and my ability to sleep or breathe well at night is poor..I really do not and never have been good about taking care of my health. I knew since April that I was having trouble breathing and see no hope for my life to get better any more.With the loss of my XXXXXXX comes even more loss.Add that to the thing with XXXXXXX and it is additive. I will be going back on remeron tonight as my daughter was unable to get my meds until today. I am trying to have hope..I have lost hope about XXXXXXX but am dealing with that okay. I am just trying to find reasons to get up in the morning, hoping that we still might make it to Israel. I did so want to be there for the high Holy Days.The lack of sleep is very hard on me.I am hoping we find my CPAP machine as I have sleep apnea and haven't had it for almost three weeks now.

It was better tonight because we went to retrieve some of my stuff from our friend and former landlady and landlord's house but my son was with me. I am trying to work with me daughter but she is a very bitchy rather hard to get along with person and it finally got to me tonight. I am usually very quiet and don't like to create strife but she is like living with a sandstorm...it is not a good place for me but better than on the street I guess. She and I got into it a little bit because she tends to explode and fly off the handle easily and I don't but I dont like being verbally abused or criticized continually by her. She has DID too but mostly is just very short tempered. My whole life my family takes my easygoing nature and have stomped all over me and I don't like it anymore. I don't have a lot of money but am trying to save a little bit here and there but this place is going to cost me if I stay here too long..my son is trying to work things out with his father who is also not a very nice person but we are both doing our best to get along with family. It isn't always easy as you know.
I am trying to accept that XXXXXXX is just really paranoid about everything not just me and his world is so small right now..he goes to his store I guess but chases customers out or ignores them..it is sad....
Feeling out of breath and sick is also depressing along with the dystonia but the isolation is the worst...it is hard to keep a balance...

I have tried but I am still healing and the stress and criticism finally after a week is getting to me. I need less stress and have been having congestive heart problems for at least a year. A young XXXXXXX pulmonologist caught it along with the older French hospitalist. My heart function had dropped to 45%.
My son doesn't know much about money as he has Asperger's. I have to back track and ask the airlines if they will accept the info the doctor and hospital gave me. I can probably still fly out some time soon and use the tickets I have for another time. But it doesn't include baggage or other costs. My Israeli friend looked for me and had hoped I had gone up to Jerusalem. She is looking for a place for us to live over there.
Yes for the first time I have not taken it so personally about XXXXXXX I think that the trauma alters from my childhood that were so traumatized by his continually hauling me into court and vice versa that I totally broke down came to integration or the worst of them did anyway. Our friend said," Sometimes you have to have a break down before you have a break through." Very true..the intubation alone was very, very traumatic as the fluid just kept building up in my lungs. The flashbacks about that experience are getting less but are worse at night....I want to go to Israel so very badly....