Question: I have a question about my grandson's behavior. He is 5 and in kindergarten. He was the sweetest boy I ever saw. Last Thanksgiving he said I just love you guys. Due to many stresses in my daughter's life, she asked her husband to help with XXXXXXX by taking him to school. He and XXXXXXX go at the same time, to different schools. XXXXXXX works and gets her 17 year old to school and again home from school. It should have all worked out, but XXXXXXX learns after one semester that XXXXXXX is beligerent at school and acting out sexually, saying butt and penis and exposing himself. XXXXXXX kept all this info from XXXXXXX and has tried to take over XXXXXXX completely. He is controlling and abusive. He insists that he and XXXXXXX are best buddies and confides in him that it is just XXXXXXX and him, that he is going to get Jenny's house, even though she worked hard and had her house completely paid for 6 years before XXXXXXX came into her life. He wants her house, wants to stay home , not work, have XXXXXXX to himself, have XXXXXXX pay him child support, wants half her retirement account and half her savings. He also has the goal that XXXXXXX become a bully - that's the way he gets what he wants in life. He has never supported XXXXXXX only providing $300 in 6 years. He pays not one XXXXXXX not even the daycare of Sam's, $110 a week. He is a slug, a parasite. He doesn't support XXXXXXX nor his son. XXXXXXX tried once before to divorce him, but got scared he would get XXXXXXX because her daughter was acting up, even was hospitalized and diagnosed bipolar or manic depressive. She hates XXXXXXX and recently filed for and got an order of protection against him. XXXXXXX creeps on her by watching her through a door crack when she is in the bathroom. He walked in on her naked at least once. He kicked her cat to the basement concrete floor at least once. XXXXXXX when he took over XXXXXXX won't let XXXXXXX get out of bed in the morning until he gets up and sometimes he can wait that long and wets himself. XXXXXXX isn't allowed to take XXXXXXX to the bathroom. XXXXXXX has all these rules and XXXXXXX will not do anything that XXXXXXX has told him not to. He stopped letting XXXXXXX give XXXXXXX a bath, saying he would give him his baths from then on. He makes XXXXXXX take a shower with him even though he prefers a bath. Many times he objects and cries but he has to mind. Sometimes XXXXXXX bribes him with popsicles. Then he wouldn't let XXXXXXX read to him and put XXXXXXX to bed. She has to make a big fuss to get to once in a while and then he stomps around and watches over it all. He takes XXXXXXX to his parents every day after school and doesn't bring XXXXXXX home until 8:30 which is his bedtime. If they are home of an evening, XXXXXXX keeps XXXXXXX in his bedroom and they watch videos, only XXXXXXX coming out for drinks and doughnuts. XXXXXXX is 6'4" and 350 pounds. He didn't even put XXXXXXX down as someone who could pick up XXXXXXX after school, only his parents and himself. He wouldn't tell XXXXXXX the truth about Sam's school troubles, keeps his school work locked in his car, and lies about most everything. By the time XXXXXXX found out about XXXXXXX exposing himself, etc, refusing to mind the teacher, hitting the principal, XXXXXXX was out of hand. When XXXXXXX got the order of protection, the judge put XXXXXXX on it, too. Then one day I was babysitting XXXXXXX and he kept trying to pull my pants down to see if I had a penis. He even put his hand between my legs and tried to feel for one. I was shocked and told him we don't touch anyone's private area. He also said, "Honk, honk!" and tried to squeeze my breast. I again bawled him out and he pulled down his pants and exposed himself. I made him stop and again told him I didn't want to see him, that we keep ourselves covered. I said no one goes around showing themselves to others, we wear clothes and keep covered up. He said one little boy at school showed himself. (Him?) Well, I told him that was wrong, too. He said my dad and I look at naked men and women every day. I said,"What?" He repeated that and I said, "everyday?" and he said yes. I called his mother and she said to call DCFS and report it. I did and they came the next day. They had him questioned about what he said to me and others things we had told DCFS. He said no to every question, so the claim I filed was listed as unsubstanciated. But he said no to things like taking a bath with his dad or his mom and other things we know are true. I know XXXXXXX has an extensive collection of XXX porn videos but XXXXXXX said he watches Spongebob, etc. What is the next step? XXXXXXX may get XXXXXXX Is the problem just Matt's domination or is there more? What can we do to help Sam? XXXXXXX has made a chart and XXXXXXX is putting stickers on the days he gets good reports from school. Three days and he can go to Bonkers and play. XXXXXXX has been taking him to calisthenics and his karate classes and other play activities. Before, XXXXXXX wouldn't let her go to anything he and XXXXXXX did. XXXXXXX only missed his dad about a week and doesn't talk or ask about his now. He doesn't ask to see him, either. He wants to live with his mom. XXXXXXX had no one he could play with, either, XXXXXXX wouldn't allow if. When XXXXXXX would set up a play date with a boy his age, XXXXXXX would show up and take him off to his mother's. Did I mention he is a momma's boy? Also when XXXXXXX was a teen, he was hateful and attacked his mother trying to kill her. He was hospitalized in St. XXXXXXX and has always had anger problems. His own grandpa told me that XXXXXXX should get the divorce and not to turn her back on XXXXXXX or his dad, that they could be violent. XXXXXXX has really sacrificed a lot raising her daughter and XXXXXXX was so sweet until XXXXXXX took over. Thanks for reading all this. Anything you can offer will be appreciated!

Thank you, Dr. Reddy! I am relieved to find you can see what we are going through. We will do our best with XXXXXXX XXXXXXX will find a psychiatrist here in XXXXXXX who can help him. I so appreciate your advice. I just worry that DCFS will not be much help after all the no's XXXXXXX gave at the testing the first time. They did say XXXXXXX looks like he is setting XXXXXXX up to get his son, doing everything for his son now that she always did. Only XXXXXXX is rebelling. I worry about his teen years and he's only 5! I guess grandmas are like that! And mothers, too. But we are afraid to file, frankly. It will get ugly and XXXXXXX would lose his job with retarded people. He is a helper at their school. XXXXXXX has been a case manager at Transitions, and Trilogy in Chicago, since her college graduation. She also takes the suicide hot line weeks at a time. She had to give that up now that XXXXXXX is out of the house and not there when she needed to run someone to the hospital or some other problem. She is in work activity and gets her clients jobs, does job training, even gets jobs for parolees. I think she is some one to be proud of, is very strong, but got fooled by Matt's attention in the early months, and found out after they married how abusive he really is. I will follow your advice and we will seek a lawyer's advice. Jen's dad is a lawyer, but he has had two strokes and the stress is too hard on him. Thanks for making time for us last night - I will be forever thankful. Diane