Question: I have been taking Zoloft/Sertraline for about five years for depression, first it was work related depression,
got totally screwed over when I should not have and it caused me a lot of grief I stayed in a bad situation to long, I know that. But now the man I love with all my heart is in my life, in my house, says he loves me, but is not really with me, and for two years has basically told me if I change this or that he will and he is not changing nothing and only says he cares, never really truly shows me, again he is the love of my life, I don't know why but I don't want to live without his love anymore, and I don't have it at all. My depression is out of control, I think I am crazy and lost my mind because I don't know what is true anymore, I don't understand why he don't love me I have given him everything, he has needed since he has been around, he does not have a job, but he has a daughter, and I love her too and always make sure she has what she needs. I threw him out a couple of times and he always comes back saying he loves me and if I would just be this or that for sometime now he tells me everything I do wrong and I mean everything. But I am wondering why I cant stop loving him and am I crazy or not, because he says I am and I know my depression medicin is not working anymore because I cry everyday, and always am thinking about killing myself I took a bunch of zanax one night, just slept, I went to sleep with a bag on my head nothing, I pulled my car in the garage and had it running for hours, He got home before... I loaded my gun and bullet in the chamber I could not pull the trigger, to messy and painful, I have rope, I sliced my wrist a couple times with scissors, I am so sick of having pain in my heart and giving and showing love and all I get from him is words, it does make me want to die, I had everything I needed good job, home, grandkids, all I was missing was love and if I could have chose one man to come back to me from the past it would have been him so why am I messing this up all the time, why can't I chill out it is progressively getting worse, my job is also been suffering because I can concentrate or think clearly, I am 90% hearing loss and have had hearing trouble all my life my communication skills suck, even with hearing aids I often can not follow every word, so I don't have but a few people in my life and I have pretty much run them off too because I am so ashamed and embarrassed. What do I do, just get my meds fixed, go to psych ward ruin my life.. and /or just end it and is it so wrong to want to end it when you feel beyond broken, lost, and alone and realize it is not ever going to change because my favorite person in the world does not show me he loves me. I know you are not suppose to put you happiness in someone else's pocket and yet I did and I feel like he is planning on leaving so then I become so emotional I just can not stand it suggestions please