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Suffering from mental health. Have tried to kill and provokes to quarrel and shouts. Suggest?

DOCTOR OF THE MONTH - Jun 2013
Jun 2013
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Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2219 Questions
Question
I need to contact psychiatrist for my wife

My wife tried to kill me for small small reasons,I tought of consulting the right doctor.

Before marriage,she use to say,during sunset she feels like committing sucide,she loose interset in life during sunset.she use to say differently,so I thout its not serious.
After marriage,she doubt on me every moment and when she get angry,she beat me with the items she find nearby,never think what happens to me.

when she get angry,she goes out of control,break all the items at home and tries to kill me.Her anger cannot be controlled.
She takes any small topic and get anger and go out of control.She scolds all my family members very bad.

she provoke me to quarrel by taking any topic,like buying gold for her and If I doesnt show interset,she start scolding mother as she knows I dont sit calm when my mother is scolded.Once the quarrel is over,she is cool,calm and love me and it goes for few days.and story repeats

She thrown side table and cooking utensils on my head during quarrel,I would have died if I havent escaped that time.She says,I can do anything,I will kill you when she gets anger.

The people around our apartment are scared of her and complained to security.She shouts a lot during nights so that everybody can hear and blame me.seems like she plays safe here.
and doesnt stop eventhouh I beg her to stop when she is angry.
when she is shouting,if security knocks our door for cool her down,she doesnt allow me to open door but she left speaking in kannada and starts speaking in english so that he should misunderstand that I am troubling her.

I love my wife a lot and doesnt want to leave her.So please help me to cure her mental health,so that we can live healthy life.
Posted Tue, 30 Jul 2013 in Sexual Problems
 
 
Answered by Dr. Sushil Kumar Sompur 34 minutes later
Hi there ~

I understand your concerns.
From the history that you have given me it seems like you wife has a psychiatric disorder called bipolar disorder as well as a personality disorder called borderline personality disorder.
Firstly, you both need to see a counselor and this needs to be done as soon as possible. You have to get her to agree to consult a counselor as it is not just a problem for you and your neighbors but also a problem for her since she is not functioning well in the house or elsewhere. I am assuming that she does not go to work. It is not uncommon in borderline personality disorder for females to act a certain way when they want something. However, this is not a healthy defense mechanism and would come in the way of her recovery. In counseling sessions, you might want to set a goal for both of you together and individually and set the number of sessions in which she will achieve that goal. I think leaving her would be a situation that would make her agree to your condition.
Secondly, she needs to be taken to a psychiatrist. I believe that she has bipolar disorder which is readily treated with medications that are available that stabilize her mood. Although there are side effects, and no medicine comes without side effects, you might need to consult the psychiatrist regularly so as to keep the doctor updated about the situation in therapy as well as the effect of medications so that they may be titrated up or down accordingly.
You have also listed anemia and sexual problems in the medical history. Although anemia may be treated with iron supplements, you need to elaborate on the sexual problems you have with your wife explicitly with a psychiatrist. I hope you consult these specialists as soon as possible.
I hope this helps.
Take care of yourself and have a lovely day!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suffering from mental health. Have tried to kill and provokes to quarrel and shouts. Suggest? 16 minutes later
Dear Doctor,

I dont know how "Sexual Problems" is selected,when I sent you query.We both are sexually satisfied and we love each other very much.only concerns is she becomes angry,cannot control by taking topic which for me is ignorable.

May I know the reason for below:
----------
Before marriage,she use to say,during sunset she feels like committing sucide,she loose interset in life during sunset.she use to say differently,so I thout its not serious.
----------
 
 
Answered by Dr. Sushil Kumar Sompur 7 minutes later
Mood swings are very common in bipolar disorder. Mania i.e. aggression, irritability, anger, paranoia, homicidal tendencies are part of the picture while Depression i.e. low moods, poor interest in life, suicidal tendencies, guilty feelings, sleep difficulties, appetite problems are part of the other picture. I hope this explains your wife's condition.

I hope you find help for your wife as soon as possible so as to avoid bad consequences from the marriage. Impulsivity is XXXXXXX and it may be what might break the marriage. I wish you all the very best.

Take care and have a lovely day!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suffering from mental health. Have tried to kill and provokes to quarrel and shouts. Suggest? 13 minutes later
She always scare me by telling that,I commit sucide or kill you.
Does she really do this or she tells just to scare me to get something..?

Once she was telling me that,I will go to your hometown,hang herself there and send my whole family to jail.My family members are so nice and innocent and they never hurt her for any reason.

These kind of conversations looks very un common for me for small small reasons.
I am happy to see that you are educated from Mysore.
As I am also from Karnataka,please suggest some good doctor in Karnataka where I can take my wife and consult.
 
 
Answered by Dr. Sushil Kumar Sompur 26 minutes later
Hi there again ~

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder that generates significant emotional instability. This can lead to a variety of other stressful mental and behavioral problems. With borderline personality disorder, your wife may have a severely distorted self-image and feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you may desire to have loving and lasting relationships. Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.

Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:

1. Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
2. Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
3. Wide mood swings
4. Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
5. Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
6. Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
7. Suicidal behavior
8. Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
9. Fear of being alone
10.Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.

Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white. Hence the way your wife is acting is normal for the disorder; however it does need treatment as stated above.

I believe there are many competent psychiatrists in Karnataka and it depends on where you live. There are renowned institutions like NIMHANS in Bangalore and many of the towns and cities in Karnataka also have psychiatrists that are qualified. It should not be difficult to find a good psychiatrist. I hope you find help for your wife.

Take care and have a lovely day!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suffering from mental health. Have tried to kill and provokes to quarrel and shouts. Suggest? 30 minutes later
Dear XXXXXXX

Thank you so much for your help in understanding my wifes mental status.

I really need your help in identifying the doctor,I am living in Haveri near Dharwad/Hubli.KIndly recomment some doctor.
 
 
Answered by Dr. Sushil Kumar Sompur 11 minutes later
First off, you are requesting help and secondly you are being disrespectful by addressing me by my first name. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Contact the Karnataka State Branch of the Indian Medical Association at WWW.WWWW.WW and find out where you might be able to find a psychiatrist in your village.

Take care and good bye!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suffering from mental health. Have tried to kill and provokes to quarrel and shouts. Suggest? 4 hours later
I am really sorry doctor,
I am working as Telecom Architect from 9 years in MNC,We usually address with names in any emails or communication which we think respecting our collegues and partners.I am really sorry for addressing you with name.


I was in office and coudnt concentrate on your profile.I found in your linked in profile that you are based out of Bangalore.I thought you are in Canada,so I asked recommendation for other doctors.

May I request your kind advice to XXXXXXX you at your convenience.
Take care.
Thanks again.
 
 
Answered by Dr. Sushil Kumar Sompur 10 hours later
Yes, you may XXXXXXX me at the Oxford Hospital near Attibele in Bangalore at the specified hours (b/n 9 am and 4 pm).
Take care.

Dr. Sushil Kumar S V
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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