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Not happy with sex life. How to improve the condition?

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Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2009
Answered : 983 Questions
I have a question about my marital life
I wish to have a romantic and loving relationship with harmony and peace at home and great sex.
My reality is that my wife is always complaining , putting XXXXXXX pressure on me , expressing her fears all the time ( neighbours, politics,news,...) , not working ...
For instance yesterday, I went to a fair for my biz . Instead she wanted to walk and come with me .
When I left I was not feeling goog at all. She was so full of resentment that I could feel it.
When I came back , she said I was indifferent and full of contempt.
Moreover, I have a double bind with sex . My religious belief and guide ask for a special process and she doesnot want to do it for medical reasons. They even add that the relationship is not harmonious due to this fact. When I try to find solutions she is doing a complete blockage. So external advice say relation ship is not viable. It makes the situation not very cool. If I do not go through the religious process, I do not feel so good.
In the middle there are two children ( 10 and 13 )
What would be my best choices ?
-bear the pressure
- do not follow religious process
- look for another relationship
What is the best option for my mind sanity ? how to work it out ?
I just want good feeling and everything going fine.
Posted Fri, 26 Oct 2012 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Aparna Kohli 2 hours later
I do understand your dilemma
I think the first step we should be taking here is seeking help. Both of you should speak to a psychotherapist or a marriage counsellor because clearly both of you are not happy with this relationship.
Both of you need to go with a neutral mindset and speak your hearts out. Do not judge and do not interrupt when the other person is speaking. In all probability, both of you are not in sync with each other.
It would be worth a try. Even if you decide to call it quits, you would have atleast tried.
This would be the best option for a peaceful life ahead.
As far as your sex life is concerned, I think this is a personal preference and you should not force your personal/religious views on your wife. It is something that both of you can discuss after the relationship gets better.
Look up a psychotherapist in your area and get the process started.
You'll be more at peace with yourself and your wife
Hope this helps
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Not happy with sex life. How to improve the condition? 13 minutes later
Thanks for your help.
What if she does not want to go and see a counselor ?
Answered by Dr. Aparna Kohli 6 minutes later
I think that is a possibility you should definitely consider and identify a person that both of you trust. This person should be definitely neutral and unbiased,
Also, you could simply speak to her yourself. just make sure you don't interrupt and don't judge her. Take notes and be quiet and in fact encourage her to speak. You may find yourself discovering things about her that you never knew existed.
I think these would be great steps you could take to make a good start

Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Not happy with sex life. How to improve the condition? 21 minutes later
Thanks for your prompt answer.
Nevertheless, I did a lot of listening to her.
I even heard her shout, cry, condemn, threaten, ...
But it does not solve our challenge with sex for instance.
I do agree with you. I can not force her with my beliefs. So what would be the answer if I still want to feel good ?
Answered by Dr. Aparna Kohli 2 hours later
I think both of you can find a middle path. If not, you could possibly consider looking for another relationship. I think the best way would be to see a third person. With every relationship you get into, there are a whole lot of adjustments you would need to make. Sexual intercourse is just an aspect.

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