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Masturbation, Early Ejaculation, Anxiety About Intercourse, Tension, Nervousness
Question: I am 26 year old male. I am single. I am having query related to sex. I am masturbating past many years, I am always remains in fear & thought much about sex like what will happen. Earlier it was ok but from last 2 -3 times while masturbating I am having ejaculation very soon (early ejaculation) as compared to earlier one. Please help.
Dear XXXXXXX
You are probably getting overly anxious about this issue. Masturbation is a normal process, and it mostly does not lead to any problems in your sexual life. But if you carry a lot of anxiety about intercourse, the anxiety may create trouble.
The anxiety comes when you worry "whether you will be able to perform during the sexual intercourse or not". But there is really no basis for this fear, as you have been able to achieve and maintain erection while masturbating.
You may need to take care about a few points. Do not hurry up in the process of masturbation. Hurrying up will lead to inadequate erection and early ejaculation. Also, maintain your breathing XXXXXXX and regular. Good breathing is the key to maintain good erection and also sustain it for a longer period. The commonest reason for early ejaculation is masturbating while having an incomplete erection.
If you keep these things in mind, and reduce your anxiety about future, you will not face any problems. Hope this helps. Let us know if you want more help.
Take care.
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD
You are probably getting overly anxious about this issue. Masturbation is a normal process, and it mostly does not lead to any problems in your sexual life. But if you carry a lot of anxiety about intercourse, the anxiety may create trouble.
The anxiety comes when you worry "whether you will be able to perform during the sexual intercourse or not". But there is really no basis for this fear, as you have been able to achieve and maintain erection while masturbating.
You may need to take care about a few points. Do not hurry up in the process of masturbation. Hurrying up will lead to inadequate erection and early ejaculation. Also, maintain your breathing XXXXXXX and regular. Good breathing is the key to maintain good erection and also sustain it for a longer period. The commonest reason for early ejaculation is masturbating while having an incomplete erection.
If you keep these things in mind, and reduce your anxiety about future, you will not face any problems. Hope this helps. Let us know if you want more help.
Take care.
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thanks for prompt reply. (As i have already read about the privacy policy hope that this all be very much confidential).
I want to share more regarding my problem, since past many years i have fear in my mind related to "whether will be able to perform during the sexual intercourse or not". I have also suffered mentally during this fear as in all those years not able to concentrate properly then slowly it converts into a habit. In my studies as well in my professional life i lost total control on myself. Later on i came into contact with a girl who supported me a lot and due to her support slowly i able to come out of this problem. due to certain reasons we were not able to met very regularly but after a certain duration of time we met few days back & come very close to each other, with her i masturbate well. after that we haven't met & only having telephonic relationship. now i m feeling change in my mood & when masturbated this happen (above problem). please guide is everything normal, as now i don't feel like masturbating any more,whenever i thought tension & anxiety flows through my mind and i felt very nervousness due to which whole scene change to only testing whether able to do properly or not. and the same feeling which comes in past starts flow in my mind & feared that all those things of past will rewind to my life. In past few days i m in state of tension & apprehension & not able to concentrate properly. request you to please guide.
Also guide that in case any kind of sexual problem exist is there treatment available with medical science, i ponder that after marriage in case anything happen then will be able to come out of same. i have read somewhere that if a person masturbate in past then he is normal.
please also guide that is masturbation is necessary? in case not done regularly does create problem after marriage, in case i don't do that will everything fine.
hope to receive reply soon.
I want to share more regarding my problem, since past many years i have fear in my mind related to "whether will be able to perform during the sexual intercourse or not". I have also suffered mentally during this fear as in all those years not able to concentrate properly then slowly it converts into a habit. In my studies as well in my professional life i lost total control on myself. Later on i came into contact with a girl who supported me a lot and due to her support slowly i able to come out of this problem. due to certain reasons we were not able to met very regularly but after a certain duration of time we met few days back & come very close to each other, with her i masturbate well. after that we haven't met & only having telephonic relationship. now i m feeling change in my mood & when masturbated this happen (above problem). please guide is everything normal, as now i don't feel like masturbating any more,whenever i thought tension & anxiety flows through my mind and i felt very nervousness due to which whole scene change to only testing whether able to do properly or not. and the same feeling which comes in past starts flow in my mind & feared that all those things of past will rewind to my life. In past few days i m in state of tension & apprehension & not able to concentrate properly. request you to please guide.
Also guide that in case any kind of sexual problem exist is there treatment available with medical science, i ponder that after marriage in case anything happen then will be able to come out of same. i have read somewhere that if a person masturbate in past then he is normal.
please also guide that is masturbation is necessary? in case not done regularly does create problem after marriage, in case i don't do that will everything fine.
hope to receive reply soon.
Dear Mr XXXXXXX
First of all, let me confirm that your identity is confidential on this site as well as your information.
Masturbation is considered healthy. It is a normal phase of sexual development. In this part of the world, where sexual intercourse may not happen in early age, masturbation is viewed as a way of releasing the energy. And if masturbation is done in a natural way, there are no problems that could arise. Natural way means when you feel like you are sexually excited and do masturbation, it's normal.
There are a lot of myths about masturbation. Some say it is unhealthy; it might create problems in future, etc. But there is no research based evidence to prove that masturbation creates any long term problems.
Coming back to your situation, you are probably more anxious after your last meeting with her. And this can happen when you worry about performance. The underlying fear is "what will she think about me if I am not able to perform!" And this fear makes you more anxious each time. These thoughts also lead to loss of confidence. And a similar thought can affect other areas of your life, too.
What you need to remind yourself that you have done this successfully, without any problems earlier. So this is a temporary phase. And even if you are not able to maintain good erection a few times with her in future, it will still not mean that you have failed. You need to remind yourself that your mind is deriving meanings out of something that is temporary. And those meanings are mostly self-defeating. So, instead of thinking "will I be able to perform", you can try thinking "I am a confident human being and there are no problems with me".
Lastly, if any such thing happens in future, there are a lot of treatment options which include medicines to enhance erection, counseling and therapy for a long term solution, anti-anxiety treatment, etc.
Hope this helps. Please let us know if you need more help.
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thank you for your reply.
Please tell is it normal not to have sexual excitement at this stage, reason being that i am alone & don't have any partner. when i will get married & right time come the things will be fine. should i stop masturbation as i don't get sexual excitement. Sometimes whenever it comes the same is overpowered by fear (that am i perfect or not). it happens many times that whenever excitement comes simultaneous fear & anxiousness comes which leads to negative result. please guide is there any minimum time limit that a person should sustain while masturbation or sex. in my case after this problem during masturbation i able to sustain hardly for 1-2 minutes but before it was 4-5 minutes. does in any way performance during the masturbation is related with performance during sex with a partner.
Please tell is it normal not to have sexual excitement at this stage, reason being that i am alone & don't have any partner. when i will get married & right time come the things will be fine. should i stop masturbation as i don't get sexual excitement. Sometimes whenever it comes the same is overpowered by fear (that am i perfect or not). it happens many times that whenever excitement comes simultaneous fear & anxiousness comes which leads to negative result. please guide is there any minimum time limit that a person should sustain while masturbation or sex. in my case after this problem during masturbation i able to sustain hardly for 1-2 minutes but before it was 4-5 minutes. does in any way performance during the masturbation is related with performance during sex with a partner.
Hello.
Sexual excitement can be avoided if you want, but whenever it comes, you should not get unnecessarily worried about it. Masturbation is a way of releasing the sexual energy. When you are not sexually excited, masturbation will not appear normal and you may find that ejaculation occurs early. Thus, do not worry too much about whether masturbation should be stopped or not. Let it happen as and when you feel. It's perfectly normal to get sexually excited even if you are alone and do not have a partner.
Do not avoid masturbation because of the self-doubt. Avoidance will only increase the doubt. Whenever you think you are being overpowered by the fear whether you are perfect or not, just remind yourself that this is just a fear. And there is no basis for the fear. And in all probabilities, you will be able to establish a successful sexual relationship with you partner when you get married.
The time for sustenance of erection varies from person to person. If you feel you are not able to sustain for a longer period, you may try the breathing technique in the first reply here. Performance during masturbation can be totally different from that during actual intercourse. Hence, focus all your attention towards thinking healthy thoughts and looking forward to a good future. Hope this helps.
Best Regards
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD
Sexual excitement can be avoided if you want, but whenever it comes, you should not get unnecessarily worried about it. Masturbation is a way of releasing the sexual energy. When you are not sexually excited, masturbation will not appear normal and you may find that ejaculation occurs early. Thus, do not worry too much about whether masturbation should be stopped or not. Let it happen as and when you feel. It's perfectly normal to get sexually excited even if you are alone and do not have a partner.
Do not avoid masturbation because of the self-doubt. Avoidance will only increase the doubt. Whenever you think you are being overpowered by the fear whether you are perfect or not, just remind yourself that this is just a fear. And there is no basis for the fear. And in all probabilities, you will be able to establish a successful sexual relationship with you partner when you get married.
The time for sustenance of erection varies from person to person. If you feel you are not able to sustain for a longer period, you may try the breathing technique in the first reply here. Performance during masturbation can be totally different from that during actual intercourse. Hence, focus all your attention towards thinking healthy thoughts and looking forward to a good future. Hope this helps.
Best Regards
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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