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Husband stopped having sex suddenly, had childhood sexual encounter. What was keeping him from having sex?

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Psychiatrist
Practicing since : 2004
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This is a question that I have been wanting to get answered for years/decade. My ex-husband and I were married for almost 15 years. The first 5 were great sexually. Then all of sudden he would not have sex with me. That lasted until I left him because of it. He was a psychologist when I met him, IQ out the roof. He did tell me that when he was a child that there was a voyeur that came to his window. He isist that he was never molested or sexually abused as a child. He did not have any physical problem as he masterbated instead of sex with me. This issue was talked about every 6 months until I left. He insist he does not know why he doesn't want to have sex and addmitted that his 3 previous relationships encountered the same problem. He never to my knowledge had an affair. He is a loner and more like a hermit. My question is What was keeping him from having sex, or what happened to him?
Posted Sun, 23 Sep 2012 in Mental Health
 
 
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 6 hours later
Hello,
Thanks for your query.

I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation in so much distress.

It is very unusual query for us in which somebody is asking about a conflict in her mind. Although with this information it is difficult to tell exact cause but some of the possibilities we can think which can lead to above behavior (in order of preference):
-Personality issues like cluster A personality (schizoid personality)
-Mild Depression leading to aversion to physical intimacy
-Performance anxiety while doing sex. But not having such problem during sex
-Some time sexual abuse history suppressed in memory. That may be one of the reason for aversion for sex.
-Pain during sex in later part of marital life which he may be hiding from you.
-Getting bore with long relation leading to avoidance of sexual intimacy so that relationship can end and he can move on.

Considering all these causes history from him, physical examination and psychological assessment can help us to reach final diagnosis.

Some information regarding Schizoid personality:
(1) Few, if any, activities provide pleasure.
(2) Displays emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.
(3) Limited capacity to express warm, tender feelings for others as well as anger.
(4) Appears indifferent to either praise or criticism of others.
(5) Little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking into account age).
(6) Almost always chooses solitary activities.
(7) Excessive preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.
(8) Neither desires, nor has, any close friends or confiding relationships (or only one).
(9) Marked insensitivity to prevailing social norms and conventions; if these are not followed this is unintentional.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.

Wish you good health.
Regards,
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