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Husband fights about past issues with wife and with parents

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Hi i am XXXXXXX my husband name is XXXXXXX and he has done his btech he worked for 3 years in TCS kolkata and 1 and half year back he got a job in accenture
chennai we got married 4 years back he will be always think about the incidents happend in the past and fight with me and his parents
i am explaining about 1 or 2 situations


two years back ond he is supposed to send me alone on at morning 11 am train from kolkata to ap by the time we reached station train has left we tried
for some other train we got ticket for train at night 11 we were in station only in mean will he told me to sit in the station i was in station he came back after some time he searched for me a
lot itseams he did not charge his mobile so his mobile was switched off we did not have any mode to contact each other after 4 hours we luckly XXXXXXX each other he says that i wanted ly played game with him
he got angery and he left me in the station at night 8 and whent home i was alone in station for almost 3 hour in an unknow place alone he will never feel bad for that but he will always fight with me saying
that i played game with him that day.


1 and half year back he asked me that he want to shift from development to testing i told that oportunities will be less in testing than development so try to survive in development he asked his parents also regarding this
they told do what ever u like no need to ask me
he tried in development he got a job in accenture chennai
he says that we have forced him to go in development and he is not able to survive in development and we have spoiled his carrier like this he will fight with me and his parents regarding many issues i cant bring him directly to a doctor that is the reason i am asking u sir day by day my life is becoming worst with him i donot know what to do
this saturday my self and my husband went to see his father as he was sick and hospatalised for 2 days in last week but after going ther we were ther for 1 and half day entire 1 and half day he was fighting with his mom regarding the past happend issues.
he was shoulting and he was trying to harm them also he is behaving very badly
i donot know what to do.
please help me with a reamidy
thing is i can come and XXXXXXX u but i can not bring him to u.



Posted Mon, 21 May 2012 in Mental Health
 
 
Answered by Dr. Susanta Padhy 7 hours later
Hi XXXXXXX

Thanks for the query and concern for your husband

Better would be, if you can tell me the things that are happening frequently rather few isolated instances years back.

Nonetheless, the situation that you are describing, as you feel there are some behavioral issues that has frustrated you in the long run. This is important to look into.

remedies could be following:

a. Answer me the following questions
1. Things of your husband that make you fraustrated, other than his anger
2. Situations that make your husband to blast them
3.Does he take alcohol, nicotine, other drugs
4. Do both of you have satisfied sexual life
5. How is his nature, otherwise
6. Is there any pressure or inability to handle some work related issues
7. How is his mood, peer interaction, enjoying other activities other than during fight, sleep, appetite, sexual desire, any negative thoughts in last 2 months
7. Past relationship with his parents
8. How was his childhood

b. Usually in some situations he need to talk to some one, a professional or a neutral person, that might help

c. Sometimes, after assessment, if medication is needed, that might help, too

In such situations, if you feel it is emergency to the extent that he is abusive, beating etc, you can take it to a psychiatrist or else you might answer me and then we can discuss possible remedies.

Hope This addresses your concerns
I am available for further query
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Husband fights about past issues with wife and with parents 16 hours later
1. Things of your husband that make you fraustrated, other than his anger

he is fighting with me and his parents taking issues which happend in the past, lazy, he will not even dress well, his food habits he willl not have his food properly.
all ways he will say that if will be looking happy some one will harm him i do not know what to say to him

2. Situations that make your husband to blast them
if he will ask me some thing he expects answer which he want if i will say truth also he will not accept he will come to a conclusion he want me accept that i tried to accept what he says if i am doing like that he is saying why u did like that at that time i am bnot able to say anything

3.Does he take alcohol, nicotine, other drugs
he takes alcohol but very very occutationaly i.e once or twise in one month.
he is a smoker he takes 5 to 10 sigrets a day.
he drinks bru cofee a lot if some one is ready to give he will drink 5 to 10 cofees a day
4. Do both of you have satisfied sexual life
we donot have a proper sexual life when ever i ask him he says he is not interested now. he do not want to have kids so he puts me away from him.we will have sexual relation once in 1 or 2 months

5. How is his nature, otherwise
either he will speak about things which i do not know like he says me about some king of japan or he will be in mood off stat speaking in himself scolding his parents or me. he will not be interested to manitain relation with any one in the sence my relations or my friends only

6. Is there any pressure or inability to handle some work related issues
he says that he not able to handle the work in the office 1 year back only i told i will support the family try to shift to the job u want.
7. How is his mood, peer interaction, enjoying other activities other than during fight, sleep, appetite, sexual desire, any negative thoughts in last 2 months.

almost he will be mood off state thinking about the issues which happend in the past how i responded to that incident how his parents reponded and he will try to take those things in the negative way.
he will be interested in world related thing he will be doing RND on world related things but not some thing related to his career.
always
7. Past relationship with his parents
he was staying outside after his 10th regarding his studies and almost from the age of 16 he stays out side from his home now he is 32 his parents say his relation is fine before marrige only after marrige he is behaving like this. his father says i donot know that he will behave like this if i would have known i wount have accepted for his marrige and he says sorry to me for spoiling my life by making his son married to me.

8. How was his childhood
my marrige is a arranged marrige i do not know more about his chid hood according to his and his parents saying every thing was wonderful in his child hood.
i know one thing is his height is 5'1 he is having inferiority complex about that
i am even shoter than him but i never feel like that.
 
 
Answered by Dr. Susanta Padhy 1 hour later
Thank you XXXXXXX for a detailed answer.

From the detailed history, it seems it will improve by a intervention from a mental health professional i.e a psychiatrist.

The following are the possibilities in your case scenario.
1) Your husband may not be happy with the marriage
2) Depression
3) Nicotine dependence related behavioral symptoms
4) Depressive disorder or some personality issues

Personally, I feel, he needs both medication and psychotherapy / counselling, and that should improve over time. The other family members duty is to convince him to XXXXXXX an expert for a counseling session first.

Similar states are possible at this age and social class.

You must consult a psychiatrist in the vicinity. Do not worry at this time nor let the thoughts carry away your peace of mind. There is definitely a solution. You can keep discussing the progress, further information with me from time to time both via this platform.

Hope this answers some of your concerns. Wish you courage and patience and your husband a happy life. Please use any answer clarification before you close this discussion and rate my answer.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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