Question: Hi,
I have some questions and am happy I found a place where it is possible to ask them. Thanks for that.

I took for about 16 years venlafaxine/effexor. I noticed the last 10 years my head started to 'work' differently in the way that calculating became less easy or managing more information at once like we do during work or reading or whatever.
At a certain point it became that worse that I saw a relatrion with my effexor use. Alltough I was on 37,5 when I woke up in the morning my head was telling me it wanted it!! There was a certain sound in my head and a kind of a feeling I can not find word for.
So about 5 years ago I started to find out how to get of of this drugs. My doctor told me I could stop since I was on the lowest prescription. That didot work, since my system started to 'scream' in all kind of ways so that I was not able to function anymore at my work (I worked within my own practice as a psychologist). So back to using as I did. And back to the doctor. He said to use one day one and the day after not and a day again and a day not. That did not work at all too. My doctor said it would be then that my depression was still there cause I was on such a low dosis that if my body was not taking it, then it was the depression still going on.
I did not believe that. Was real diappointed since I had problems with my head from taking the drugs and I wanted to be able to think clear again.
I started to pamper myself. I took little parts out of the 'thing' (there are about 160 little parts into the dosis of venlafaxine 37,5). I thought I had to overcome the things my system was 'doing'. I did it slowly over a long period of time. Two days I was of of it and felt clear headed and good. Then my world changed.
Long story short. Summer 2014 I was off venlafaxine for two days and in my head started a hell. As if lightning was going on in my head. After that I had to go to my doctor. I had thoughts of ending my life, felt so ahwfull and very depressed in a way I only was lying on the couch sleeping and in between looked at the telivision, I did not go to my bed at all anymore, just lived in my livingroom.
I went to the doctor and (my own as on a long holiday) and she told to start right away the venlafaxine again (which I already did). When i moved my head it was like there was some sand in it which came after the movement of my head through a sound.
In the meantime I am at home for a long time now. I am not able to work. I was in hospital for some weeks to stabilize and finding a rythme in my sleep again. Still having problems with my head and functioning. Not able to work or socialize. At the moment the depression is less worse. I seem to have more accepted that this is how it is for me now. Still.. I would like to heal.. Can not find a specialist in the Netherlands who knows a thing about what is going on with my head. There is a psychiatric (from the hospital I was in) who listened to my story. It was new to him. He told me my body was reacting very finetuning. I want to stop with the venlafaxine. Found on the internet to put another antidepressivant next to the one I use. One with a long lasting time. At a certain point the venlafaxine has to be stopped (which point??) and the next stage it to tamper the new antidepressivant.
I told this that psychiatric and he is willing to do this with me during a two weeks stay in hospital (I really don't dare to do this at home after all I went through). He is going to put my story into a group of psychaitrics to find answers for me.
But.. Yes I have a but..
Is this the right thing to do it this way??
Or should I accept how I am right now still after a year and tamper very very slowly by taking a little part out the dose t home??
-with this.. my system tells me after waking up it is in the NEED of a dose of venlafaxine right away (in the hospital there were medicinetimes at 8 in the morning. I found out that I felt awfull for half of the day when I had to wait an hour after getting up at 7. I had to fight to get my venlafaxine right away, since it was not logical. I have it in a way that it gives itself to my system bit by bit. BUT yes, it is not logical but it is how my system reacts!! After telling them it was so nececarry that if I would not get them I would go home, they listened and I felt as I do 'normally' since the brain zaps of Summer 2014.)

I am kind of afraid to do either ways..
Tampering the venlafaxine at home
putting another drug next to it and quitting the venlafaxine together with a psychiatric who has no eperience with my problems
Staying on venlafaxine is not an option. I have to get rid of that drug. I want to heal. I have the idea in the meantime that I am a passenger in a story that I would rather not call my own, but it is.. This is the story where I am in the middle of. Day by day looking what my system does and sleep a lot so my head can take a new bit of the small life I am living now, being at home, most of the time alone, necesarry to give my system the space to heal. But.. is this the way?? What way are there?? Where can I find a specialist??
(I live in the Netherlands)
A long story. At the moment not desperate. More in a state of acceptance since I noticed that despair was not bringing anything at all. It seems the time of sobbing that this is my life now is done for the biggest part. Time to stand on my feet and ask. Will this tardive dysphoria ever end?? And will the tampering ever work and how?? And will this antidepressant discontinuation side affects, which became not side but mainparts of my life ever end??
Who can help me? Give me information? Who can tell me what I can expect in time or otherwise what is to be expected on this healingjourney.
Thanks for reading al of this.
I have to go for taking some rest after writing this. I will be back and am hoping someone here of the doctors is able to help me on this journey. (it makes it harder to have not a specialist nearby who is understanding what is going on after using venlafine for so long and the brain zaps I had) XXXXXXX