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How to live a healthy relationship with my wife ?

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General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2408 Questions
Question
How to live a healthy relationship with my wife ?
I had a dream :
A wife who cooperates with me
A wife who take care of lunches when I work and when she is at home
A wife who sleeps peacefully at regular hours
A wife who speaks with me respectfully when we are together and when children are around
A wife who give back money given for shopping ( if not done) when asked
A wife who supports me
A wife who accpets external support if needed ( in case of major conflicts for instance)
A wife with whom I can have sex with at least once a month
A wife with also spiritual goals
A wife who accpets to find solutions if issues arise
But my reality is
A wife who go to bed at 3 am and wakes me up then snores very heavily
A wife who do not want to go shopping where it is appropriate to our budget
A wife who when not pleased wlll not prepare lunch and dinner
A wife who keeps money when asked politely ( as it was not used as agreed)
A wife who do not accept third party counselling
A wife who will insult and speak very poorly at me in front of my children
A wife who is obsessed by money (her dream ) but will not lift one finger to get one dollar .
How can I close the gap between my dream and my reality ?
Posted Tue, 8 Oct 2013 in Weight
 
 
Answered by Dr. Shanthi.E 9 minutes later
Brief Answer:
need more details

Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX

Thanks for posting your query. Your question makes a lot of sense to me.

It is very important for any us to live in harmony with the people whom we love. I would definitely appreciate your willingness to live in a healthy relationship with your wife.

To help you better, I would like to know a bit more about your marital life.

- How long are you married for?
- Do you have kids?
- Does your wife work for living?
- How often do you both speak intimately with each other?
- Do you have dinner together every night, and sleep on the same cot?
- How friendly are you with your wife or how friendly is your wife with you?
- Do you both feel happy spending time with each other?

Let me know what are your problem areas, so that I could help you specifically.

Awaiting your response.

Regards,
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: How to live a healthy relationship with my wife ? 10 minutes later
I had a dream :
A wife who cooperates with me
A wife who takes care of lunches when I work and when she is at home
A wife who sleeps peacefully at regular hours
A wife who speaks with me respectfully when we are together and when children are around
A wife who gives back money given for shopping ( if not done) when asked
A wife who supports me
A wife who accpets external support if needed ( in case of major conflicts for instance)
A wife with whom I can have sex with at least once a month
A wife with also spiritual goals
A wife who accpets to find solutions if issues arise
But my reality is
A wife who goes to bed at 3 am and wakes me up then snores very heavily
A wife who does not want to go shopping where it is appropriate to our budget
A wife who when not pleased wlll not prepare lunch and dinner
A wife who keeps money when asked politely ( as it was not used as agreed)
A wife who does not accept third party counselling
A wife who will insult and speak very poorly at me in front of my children
A wife who is obsessed by money (her dream ) but will not lift one finger to get one dollar by herself. It is not her wish .
How can I close the gap between my dream and my reality ?
- How long are you married for?14 years
- Do you have kids? 2 aged 11 and 14
- Does your wife work for living? No and she does not want to . She claims it . I have to pay.
- How often do you both speak intimately with each other?Once
- Do you have dinner together every night, and sleep on the same cot?no as I work all day long to sustain my family. We sleep inthe same room but it is not pleasant at all . I am doing all my best to get a new sofa so that we can sleep in two separate rooms.
- How friendly are you with your wife or how friendly is your wife with you?
I am as friendly as I can . I feel she is very aggressive and unfriendly.
- Do you both feel happy spending time with each other?
We do not get quality time together. It is not XXXXXXX and calm at all. Love is not here even though I do my best to create a loving and positive atmosphere.
 
 
Answered by Dr. Shanthi.E 18 hours later
Brief Answer:
detailed below

Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX

Thanks for writing the details. I am sorry that you are in a difficult position right now.

Good thing is that you have been married for 14 years, and have 2 lovely kids, and have managed to hold up together.

See, these kinds of problems are present in every relationship. The kind of wife that you described as a dream IS A Dream. Let it be it. Please understand that it is not possible for anyone to get a dream wife like you mentioned. I am sure there are hardly any like this type in the world.

Every wife comes short in some way or the other. The most important part in surviving a relation is to 'give up' at times, adapt to the changes, make no fuss about it, and move on.

Please stop doing anything by yourself. Do not create that loving and positive atmosphere at home. Perhaps, your wife has taken you for granted.

Do not buy things for home, take a few days leave at work and stay back home. Let your wife know that you can't be working all your wife, and that she makes the most of it. It cannot go on this way for longer.

Please make time for yourself. Spend at least half an hour in a day thinking about yourself, alone with nobody around.

Nobody understands a person better than his own self does, and it would be a mistake on our part to expect things from others. When it comes, it comes freely. Please do not force anything.

You can make yourself happy and be your own best friend. Continue to behave the same way as you did earlier at home with your wife and kids. However, make time for yourself as I said.

Slowly, you will learn that it is YOU who can make you happy, and not your wife. Yes, you do need a wife. But, please try not be dependent on her. It is your life.

I hope you are trying to understand what I am trying to say. Stop thinking about the dream wife and accept the reality, and move on.

Your wife would benefit from counseling but you already said that she is unwilling for third party counseling.

In such a case, it is better to help our own selves and let's see if your wife gets a clue from you as to the art of living.

Wish you good luck.

Regards,
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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