How to improve my sex life?
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During sex i take forever to climax. Most times i don't at all and i feel I may have a blunted sexual appetiate. I do not have any erectal problems and when i watch porn i climax fine. The passion in my 10 year relationship died and i turned to porn. Could this be the cause and how do I desincitise myself? My sex life has suffered even more as a result.
Posted Fri, 7 Feb 2014 in General Health
Answered by Dr. Shoaib Khan 1 hour later
Brief Answer: You and your wife need to spice up your sex life Detailed Answer: Hello sir and welcome. Thank you for writing to us. This is a common problem with most couples young today sir. I would like to rightfully start by saying that the problem is not in you sir, so please stop blaming yourself or thinking that you need to alone make a change to help things improve in your sex life and your marriage. I shall now help you understand what you are going through, in a manner you may better understand. Sexual contact as most people consider it, is not about satisfaction and a climaxing. It is more of a psychological and emotional connection, than something physical. Even for those involve in sexual contact with strangers or people they have just met, during sexual intercourse they release either their frustration, anger, hate, love, happiness, etc; with their partner. Sexual intercourse is only successful when you connect with your partner mentally, emotional, and so on. So the first thing you may need to do, is to try to talk to your wife. Be as gentle and subtle as possible, ask her what she likes, ask her what she needs. Before trying to make love to her, we need to first show her that you still find her important, beautiful and attractive. So what I need you to do is the following: start slowly and gradually; first by noticing what she wears and complimenting her, tell her that you liked what she cooks, tell her you appreciate what she does for you and your family, take her out more often to places she likes, do everything she likes more often, make here feel special in more ways than you used to, kiss her and express your love to her. All this is important, as these things elevate happiness and create a good environment in your household. Next, I would like you to wait till she is ready to make love to you. You may start noticing a change in her behavior, and she might be more happy around you. Then, when you feel it is the right time, try making love to her in a manner she likes the most. Approach her with care, and try as much as possible to indulge in foreplay. So she is physically aroused enough to be able to climax quickly. Now comes the part that your wife may have to play. I would like you to talk to her, and ask her what she likes (sexually). And once she has opened up to you, let her know what you like. May be you like her to wear something special for you, or approach your differently, etc. Once you are doing everything I have mentioned above to make her happy, she will also try to do something special to make you happy. That time, she may approach you either in a different costume, a different location, or so many other things that you had earlier told her you like. The reason why I am advising this change, is because couples start to stagnate and not pay attention to their sex life as time passes. Changing sexual positions, going on vacations (even if for a short duration), doing things for each other (sexually), etc; all help in bringing change and spice to your sex life. I would also like both of you to pay more attention to your bodies, stay fit for each other, stay hygienic, try to cover your bodies in front of each other (so you can easily arouse your partner when your body is exposed to them before intercourse), etc. These things may not be important, but they bring about a huge change. All you need to do is change your behavior to each other, do new things sexually, and so on. Do not stagnate, and I am sure you will soon be experiencing many more climaxes than you used to earlier. You need to find your wife attractive again, the way you used to. As for pornography, it only raises your expectations for sexual intercourse too high sir. I would strongly advise you to discontinue watching pornography for two main reasons: 1. It drains out all the sexual energy in you (while you masturbate) and leaves you with less energy and needs that your wife can fulfill 2. It raises your expectations too high, and thus, no matter what your wife does for you sexually, it may never seem as exciting I hope you find my answer helpful and I also hope I have explained things to you in a manner you best understand. Please feel free to write back to me for any further clarifications, I would be more than happy to help you. Best wishes.