Brief Answer:
Suggestions given to overcome your problem.

Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX

I understand that you are vey worried and distressed because you are not able to have satisfactory sex after marriage. Don't worry, this is a common problem faced by newly married couples. Satisfactory sexual intercourse for both partners usuaaly takes some practice and with time it will become smooth and enjoyable.

Now, regarding the problem of not being able to penetrate properly, I would like to give you the following suggestions:

- You can first try to locate the vaginal opening with your fingers, before you attempt to penetrate with your penis. The vaginal opening is covered on both sides by small fleshy structures called labia. Before insertion, you or your partner can gently part the labia in order to expose the vaginal opening completely and facilitate penetration.

- Another easier alternative is to ask your partner to do the insertion by guiding the penis into the vagina.

- In virgin women, there will be a membrane called hymen which will be covering the vaginal passage. This could be one of the reasons why penetration may be difficult during the first time. After the first penetration, the hymen membrane will rupture (this can be a little painful for the woman and can cause some mild bleeding also), and then subsequent penetrations will be easier.

- The better sex position for difficult penetration is 'woman-on-top' position. In this position, the woman sits on top of the man, positioned above the man's penis. The woman then has to lift her hips up gently and the man has to insert his penis into the vagina which is located just above. Then the woman lowers her hips down and the entire penis goes into the vagina. This position is easier for locating the vaginal opening, as it would be just above the man's penis. (You can find illustrations about this position from the internet)

- Another suggestion for your problem is to try a lubricant jelly. You can buy KY jelly from any medical shop and apply some jelly to your penis before penetration. It is a water-soluble, safe and non-reactive jelly.

- Regarding increasing the chances of having a baby soon, you should try and have sex as frequently as possible. Both of you should eat a healthy and nutritious diet and have regular physical exercise. Especially, since you are overweight, you should definitely try and lose weight as this will also help in improving fertility.

I hope that you will be able to try these suggestions and overcome your problem soon.

Best wishes,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar MBBS., DPM., MRCPsych.(U.K.)
Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

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Brief Answer:
Queries answered and clarified.

Detailed Answer:
Hello again,

From the description of your problem, it appears that you are also having premature ejaculation. Now, one of the most common causes of premature ejaculation is anxiety or fears about sexual performance. This is called as "performance anxiety" and this very often leads to worsening of sexual problems. So, during sex try to stop worrying and doubting about your sexual performance. Just try to be relaxed and enjoy yourself. Don't keep on thinking "How long am I going to last?" "Will I ejaculate too quickly?" "Will I be able to satisfy my parrtner?, etc.

In your case, I think if you are more relaxed and not anxious, and learn the proper technique of insertion and intercourse, then automatically, the problem of premature ejaculation may be solved.

In case, it is still persisiting, another option would be to try medication. There are certain medication like Dapoxetine (Prilyxet), which can help you control premature ejaculation. The usually recommended dosage of Prilyxet is 30mg, once a day and can be taken for a short period of time till your problem improves.

Regarding your second question about penis size, it is normal that the penis will be small when you are not in a sexual mood, and the size increases when you get into a sexual mood. The size of the penis does not matter for successful sexual intercourse. So, you don't have to worry about this. If you follow the correct techniques and be confident and relaxed, then you will surely be able to have successful sexual intercourse.

Best wishes,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar MBBS., DPM., MRCPsych.(U.K.)
Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

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Brief Answer:
Doubts clarified...

Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX

I have clarified your doubts one by one below.,,

1) It is perfectly okay to have sex daily. It will not reduce your sperm count or affect your fertility in any way.

2) The best period to have sex to maximize the chances of pregnancy is the period between the 10th day and the 18th day after the last menstrual period. This is called the fertile period and there is maximum chances for pregnancy to occur.

3) During the lady's menstrual period, there would be some blood in the vagina. Some men may find this objectionable for having sex. Sometimes, women may also feel uncomfortable to engage in sexual intercourse during their period times. So, whether to have sex or not during this period entirely depends on each person's personal preference. Other than this, there is no reason why sex should be avoided during this period. The best thing to do would be to ask your wife if she is comfortable with having sex during her period times. If she is okay and you also don't mind, then you can proceed.

Best wishes,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar MBBS., DPM., MRCPsych.(U.K.)
Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

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Brief Answer:
Suggestions given...

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Since you say that penetration is not possible despite multiple attempts, one possibility that should be considered is a problem called "vaginismus". This is a problem in females where there is excessive tightness or spasm in the vagina at the time of intercourse, thus making it difficult to penetrate. So, in your situation, I would advise you to take your wife to the gynecologist for an examination and evaluation.

A bend or curvature in the penis or a small size penis does not result in inability to pentertate. Moreover, in a normal mood the penis will be smaller and soft for everyone and not able to penetrate. Only during sexual arousal, the penis will become bigger and harder and able to penetrate. So, I don't think these are reasons for the inability to penetrate.

Regarding an alternative position for difficult penetration, you can a position where the woman is kneeling down on the bed, bending forwards and resting her hands on the bed. This way her hips will be facing the man and the vaginal opening will be easily accessible. The man then kneels behind the woman so that his penis is approxiamately at the level of her hips and then enters her vagina from behind.

Like I had suggested before, you can try applying a lubricant on your penis before penetration as this will make it easier.

Best wishes,
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar MBBS., DPM., MRCPsych.(U.K.)
Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

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