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Having excessive sex desire after drinking alcohol. How to control this?

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Practicing since : 2003
Answered : 2189 Questions
Hi, I'm a 50 yr old single male and I've started having binges when I compulsively masturbate for hours at a time. While in this highly aroused state, I'm also finding a strong urge to try to involve female acquaintances by letting them know what I'm doing by text messaging or instant messaging. One good friend in particular, is a married mother of three and I don't feel an urge to have sex with her knowing it could ruin her marriage, but instead I keep fantasizing about having her watch me masturbate and eventually join in. I tell myself that this is not cheating on her part, but when I come down from my sex-crazed state, I feel XXXXXXX regret that I subjected a friend to this behavior
Posted Sun, 17 Mar 2013 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar 1 hour later
Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.

There are two things which are a matter of concern here. First is the compulsive nature of your masturbation and second is the strong urge to enact your fantasies involving others.

The urges regarding letting people know or trying to involve them in what you are doing are characteristic of a "paraphilia" or a sexual perversion. But is is very unlikely for a new kind of paraphilia to crop up in a person's 50s. Moreover, considering the fact that you feel guilty about your thoughts and behaviours after some time, and considering the compulsive nature of your masturbation, it is possible that these urges or states of abnormal sexual behaviour could be indicative of an underlying mood disturbance. If this problem has been of recent onset, then, it raises all the more suspicion that there is is something which is causing you these mood instabilities. The probable causes for this could be an underlying mood disorder - where these phases are probably hypo-manic periods; or the other possibility is this could be the result of some underlying brain disorder (especially, problems in the frontal lobe are often known to cause sexually inappropriate behaviours).

Since, this problem has been causing you a lot of distress and can be potentially harmful to you, in case you are not able to control these urges, I would advise you to seek professional help as early as possible.

You will first need a detailed psychological assessment and a neurological examination and further investigations, like a brain scan if necessary. Further management of the problem will depend on the diagnosis. There are effective treatment options available which can help you deal with this problem - both in the form of medication as well as psychological / behavioural therapies. Anti-obsessive / compulsive medication can help to control the compulsivity of your masturbation and certain specific mood stabilizers can control these sexual urges / impulses. So, please see a psychiatrist in person for further assessment and treatment.

Wish you all the best.

Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Having excessive sex desire after drinking alcohol. How to control this? 1 hour later
I noticed that you mentioned paraphilia and I do at times have strong voyeuristic and exhibitionist urges. Also, frotteursim, I have rubbed up against people in crowded situations. I am afraid of my growing urges, but I also doubt if I can bring myself to reveal my problems because I don't know how I'd handle my friends and family treating me differently and I'd be constantly fearful of what they were thinking of me.
Answered by Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar 16 hours later
Hello again,

It is common for multiple paraphilias to co-exist. Often, a person can have a few "related" paraphilias occuring together. In fact, I feel that the recent urge to text or IM others about your masturbation, is closely related to exhibitionism. Though having sexual fantasies is common, this becomes a "perversion" or a "paraphilia" when:
- the person finds it difficult to control these deviant thoughts or urges
- the deviant sexual behavior involves non-consenting individuals or may put other individuals at risk
- it causes immense distress to the person himself and affects his normal sexual, personal and social functioning.

I think that you qualify for all these criteria and hence definitely need help. The positive thing here is that the treatment prognosis is much better if the person is able to realize that this problems are distressing him and may be harmful to him.

I would suggest that you first seek help from a psychiatrist and discuss about your problems in detail. I feel that it would be definitely better to seek help to handle / control these urges rather than risking the possibility of giving in to them and then facing the consequences.

Moreover, like I had mentioned earlier, help is available in various forms - medication and psychological / behavioural therapy. So, please motivate and convince yourself that it's high time you get help to overcome your problems.

Wish you all the best.

Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Having excessive sex desire after drinking alcohol. How to control this? 2 days later
Thank you for your help. I have a few more questions that have come up with this discussion. What would cause a brain disorder involving the frontal lobe and what are other symptoms of this problem? Are there any types of therapy that you can try to implement by yourself without having to see a therapist? In the past, I have sometimes gotten release after having a massage and wonder whether that may be a way to lessen the urges when they come up. Finally, I wanted to know if many of my symptoms are prevalent in sex offenders' backgrounds.
Answered by Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar 23 hours later

A brain disorder involving the frontal lobe can be due to a variety of causes, like stroke, tumours, frontal lobe dementia, etc. But most of these neurological disorders will have other associated symptoms like sensory or motor deficits, speech problems, memory problems, problems with naming, calculation, judgement, etc.

The usual psychological therapies which are used in the treatment of sexual perversions are Cognitive-Beahvioural Therapy(CBT), other behavioural therapies like aversion therapy, sexual re-orientation therapy and so on. Self-help CBT is available online or through self-help books. Releasing your sexual desires through safe outlets like a massage can help in lessening these urges. You can also try repeatedly associating your perverted sexual thoughts with unpleasant or harmful consequences, so that you slowly start developing an aversion towards such urges. Whenever you get such thouights, you can also have 'back-up' ready alternatives to re-orient your sexual thoughts towards normal and appropriate sexual practices.

Regarding your last question, since I don't handle sex offenders in my area of practice, I would not be in a position to give my opinion on that. However, I think that you should take all steps possible to control these urges in order to prevent any bad consequences. Though I understand that it can be very embarrassing to discuss these issues face-to-face with a therapist, still, considering the fact that you are in distress and and having difficulty battling with this problem, you should not hesitate to get professional help.

Wish you all the best.

Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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