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Feeling lonely after love failure and experiencing stress and anxiety. How to improve my life?

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Addiction Medicine Specialist
Practicing since : 2002
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Hello, i am 20 years old Male and My Name is XXXX, i loved my uncle doughter for 4 years and she was keep saying she do not like me and finally she married but in my life i been through alot looses and alot things like when i open my eyes after being born i seen my mother and father fighting togheder again and again and no one came to our house from our relatives since they fight togheder, then my father also was not taking us to travell or anything as he was starting to fight in there and he also was punishing me in my child times and when i grow up and when i was about 12 i got depression and alot stress and Anxiety and in school i could not focus on study or being with friends and i always fight with them when they told me even one simple thing that i did not like but my father forcing me to study and while i did not hurt my study i could not be a normal guy in public and i always have anxiety and stress with myself, and i feel very alone, i dont know how to explain my life because its too long but i really got tired Dr please help me.
Posted Thu, 19 Dec 2013 in Smoking and Alcohol Addiction
Answered by Dr. Preeti Parakh 20 days later
Brief Answer: Explained below. Detailed Answer: Hi XXXX, Welcome to Healthcare Magic! You have been through a very hard life and have done your best to cope with it. It seems that as a result of your stressful childhood, you have grown into a person with anxious type of personality, which is affecting your personal and professional life. You also seem to have feelings of inferiority and insecurity. You will need to consciously make an effort to make yourself more balanced and calm, so that you come across as a confident and relaxed young man. While this will take both time and effort, you are still young and it is not impossible for you change your personality. I have a few suggestions that can help you. You should concentrate on two types of methods, one to change your way of thinking and the other to control your anxiety. Both methods will complement each other. To change your way of thinking, try to question your usual way of perceiving others and their actions. For example, if a friend of yours criticizes you on something which makes you angry, rather than immediately feeling offended, give a thought to what has been said and tell yourself that you need not be strongly affected by what others think. If you are not wrong, you do not need to aggressively defend yourself. Tell the other person calmly that he is welcome to his views but you do not agree with him. However, if you feel that your friend was correct in his criticism, thank him for his advice. When you are able to hold your own in a few such situations, you will find your confidence rising. You will also notice that you find it easier to be in public. Usually people who are not comfortable in public have a deep seated inferiority complex, because of which they feel that others are looking down upon them. This makes them very touchy, sensitive to criticism and short-tempered. You need to get rid of these feelings of inferiority so that you are comfortable with yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, you will notice that you are at ease in public as well. For this you must assess what are the things about yourself that you dislike. Try to change these as much as you can. Then list out the good things about yourself and appreciate yourself for those. You must like yourself first for others to like you. For reducing your anxiety levels, you should regularly practice relaxation exercises. There are many methods available but the simplest one is taking slow and deep breaths whenever you feel anxious or agitated. It immediately reduces your heart rate and makes you calm. Another method is progressive muscle relaxation. In this relaxation technique, you focus on slowly tensing and then relaxing each muscle group. This helps you focus on the difference between muscle tension and relaxation. You become more aware of physical sensations. One method of progressive muscle relaxation is to start by tensing and relaxing the muscles in your toes and progressively working your way up to your neck and head. You can also start with your head and neck and work down to your toes. Tense your muscles for at least five seconds and then relax for 30 seconds, and repeat. Detailed instructions are given on many websites but I have included a link for you ( WWW.WWWW.WW au/docs/ACF3C8D.pdf). You can take a print-out and practice it. With time, you will notice that you have become less anxious and stressed and are also sleeping better. There are other methods as well, like autogenic relaxation, visualisation etc. If nothing works, there is always the option of medications to help reduce your anxiety. But in my opinion, you should first try these methods as they would give you long lasting benefits without any risk of side effects. I hope this helps you. Please feel free to ask if you need any clarifications. Best wishes. Dr Preeti Parakh MD Psychiatry
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