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Attracted towards girls and not towards wife. Can I get married again?

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Answered by

Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1835 Questions
Godd Afternoon Doctor,
My name is XXXXX and i m a divorcee. My first marriage broke after app 05 yrs of existence. We did not have any children and no sex life in our marriage. Now im planning to get remarried and resettle in my life.
I had lack of sex desire towards my wife during my married life, but usually I'm attracted towards girls.Now also i have a sexual desire.
I want to ask whether I can remarry again and but there should not be any problems in my sex life with my second wife. I will be looking for new marriage proposals in short period of time...Thanks for valuable time..
Posted Sun, 13 Oct 2013 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 9 hours later
Brief Answer:
Need to have more information.

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for your query.

It is good that you are seeking medical help before your second marriage.

From your query it appear that you were not having sexual desire for your first wife, followed by separation.

There is need to have certain information to understand your problem, so that I can help you better:
-Were you having attraction towards other girls during your first marriage like you are having now?
-How was your interpersonal relation with your wife? Many times did you both share emotional bonding even without sex.
-Did you have sexual relation with anybody in past?
-Do you masturbate? What is the frequency of it? Do you have good erection during masturbation?

Please do write back with the answers so that I can guide you better.

Awaiting your response.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Attracted towards girls and not towards wife. Can I get married again? 20 hours later
Hello Doctor,

Yes, I was having sexual attraction towards other girls during my first marriage. During my college time, I was attracted towards other girls and used to masturbate and which still continues.
My interpersonal relationship with my first wife was not OK. She was a little loose tempered which had negative effect in our interpersonal relationship. She was not adjusting to my family values. Her behavior was not good towards my parents and me which is another factor for our divorce.
I did not have any sexual relationship in the past with any girl.
Yes I do masturbate everyday once. Yes I do have a good erection during masturbation.

Also I need to know whether their will be any positive or negative repercussions in my second marriage as my first marriage lasted for almost five and half years.
Thanks again.
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 3 hours later
Brief Answer:
No need to worry.

Detailed Answer:
Hello again,
Thanks for further information.

From your above information following things are clear:
-You have sexual orientation towards female.
-Intact libido and erection, which is apparent in your regular masturbation.
-Primary reason for poor sexual life in your first marriage appear to interpersonal conflict. As for good physical intimacy emotional attachment is necessary for couple.

In your second marriage it is advisable to avoid any conflict. If some issues happen try to solve them early without delay. I think rest of the thing will go fine in your case.

You are always welcome if some problem happen after marriage.

Wish you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Attracted towards girls and not towards wife. Can I get married again? 3 days later
Thanks for the feedback that I do not have biological problem.

I now want to check the behavior side of the relationship between me and my future wife.
I was a caring person but could not develop a healthy emotional relationship between me and my ex wife.
Family Scenario: She (my ex wife) could not adjust to my family and me. Although I used to spend time with her after office hrs, but I feel there was some communication lag between me and her which had negative impact on our relationship.
We did not have any sex life after our marriage.We tried having sex, but there was no emotional compatibility between both of us.

There was very little emotional bonding between us due to lack of understanding and communication. She used to sleep till 10: 00 am in the morning. When I used to go to go to office, she was still sleeping in her room. Is this behavior acceptable in a married life?
She always used to spend time with her family members and when I was in office, she used to stay alone in our room not interacting with my family members or even guests.

I could not understand her behavior pattern and thinking process.
What is the best way to resolve these matters in the next phase of life. Is their any way to speak to the new girl regarding these matters before we get married or come in a relationship.

Are these behaviors common in today's world subject to couples enjoying a nuclear family.
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 17 hours later
Brief Answer:
You can discus your concern with future wife.

Detailed Answer:
Hello again,
Thanks for follow up.

According to your information, your first wife was having poor adjustment with you and with your family. She used to prefer remain alone and sleep more. Your ex wife personality assessment will be helpful to understand her behavior and thinking pattern, which is difficult now after separation.

In her case excessive sleep may be due to:
-Poor sleep in night.
-Side effect of some medicine (if taking). Many time person take medicines without informing spouse.
-Psychological problem, need evaluation of person.
-Thyroid problem.

Yes, in my view, you can discus your concern with your future wife. You can ask her usual routine, sleep pattern, behavior with friends/family members and adjustment in office (for working lady). You can also seek personality assessment for both of you from nearby psychologist to understand each other better.

Please accept my answer in case there are no further queries and recommend our services to your friends too if you have found it helpful.

Wish you good health.
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