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Addicted to porn. Disliked by partner. How to deal with it?

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General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 1968
Answered : 298 Questions
Question
Good day
My name is Katarina and I’m 27 years old. I got relationship going on for 6 years now. My bf is 43 years old.
I like older man and we never have any problem with age different.
My issue is porn. Please don’t take me as one of the crazy woman which are jealous about porn or masturbation –Masturbation is nature, I doing it too.
I’m fine with him to watch porn or masturbate but everything has to have some limit…
When the limit is passing line and I feel hurt, cheat … This is not all right for me!!!
I try talk to him, tell him how I feel about it, ask him what he wants to do to be happy, and try to enjoy time with him but…..seems like he don’t want to …he prefer pc.
More and more I talk about it and ask him to find out, where is true , more and more he sneaking away from me to more porn…
I’m woman which love sex also, love experiments and do all he wants in sex life.
We have tons of sex toys, crazy sex but as time past , sex is less and less and porn is more and more .
I try to find ,why he is doing this, but I never get answer…. He changes his answer all the time.
I Try to find some compromise, which will let both of us feel comfortable….but nothing work…
Excuses, excuses….
I try all alternatives …..all I hear is
First he don’t feel good when I have to be there and follow him watch porn , or next excuse is he feel as I taking his privacy away,,,,,,
I do not want be there all the time, but it will be nice to proof me sometimes, I’m first inside his life and not PC.
I don’t know what to do, I try to be tolerant, Let him masturbate even I’m home ….Of course not in same room. Because he don’t want it
When I go shower, when I go out for 10 minutes, he sneaking to pc and watch porn.
How I know? Because of his history …..
When I’m not home or I’m at work , fine , he can do all he want but he knows very good how bad it makes me feel, when he do this .even I’m home….ahhh

…All start look like he is seriously addicted to it ….

I Love him, and I know he watch porn long time before he meets me, I do too- but I will never do anything to him what he is not happy with….
I wish to feel comfortable with all this but how I can ???
Sadly, There is question , should I leave him or is this normal???
I don’t know what to thing any more ..
I hope my English is understandable.. I’m from Denmark:=)
Posted Fri, 25 May 2012 in Sexual Problems
 
 
Answered by Dr. Andrew Rynne MD 18 hours later
Hi there XXXXXXX

Thank you for posting your question with XXXXXXX Your English is fine.

I understand your concern. I will do my best to help you.

Before you leave your boyfriend of 6 years it might be an idea for you both to receive some relationship counseling. If he refuses this, as he very well might do, then perhaps you might go alone for some guidance.

Though watching porn and masturbation is considered normal, your boy friend's act is not an acceptable behavior. If this is a form of perversion / paraphilia, the counseling sessions has the best chance to take care of it.

My feeling is that you are not going to be able to alter his behavior which you find so upsetting.
That being so then, the question is do you stay with him or do you leave? Only you can answer this.

I hope that I have answered your questions fully and been of some help. I know it may not be a satisfactory answer but often in life that is how things are. If you have any more questions please contact me again anytime.

Dr Andrew Rynne.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Addicted to porn. Disliked by partner. How to deal with it? 6 hours later
The biggest problem with me right now is ..
I find on my wireless router logs ,where i can see everything what he watch ..
I think everyone will go mad house;-crazy ( after seeing what your partner watch, special porn movies etc...
I know it is not good to kinda spy, I feel bad about it but after all he did to me, I want to be sure he say true ,when he tell me : he don't, it is not true etc etc,,,
Which doesn't match with what I find later in logs..
I try to buy new Wireless router which will not have logs inside and I cant see ....what he watch...
What eyes don't see, heart don't hurt;;(
He will not change his behavior because he thing I'm the one who has problem and not he....
As man thing , all around porn is fine:)
Yes, I don't have problem with watching porn ,I Have problem with sneaking around and lie:)
Why he doing this?? omg .....
I try to accept it but in huge rage as he want me to .. i can t
For me men which spend most of his day watch porn stop be attractive, sexy in all ways...
Lets see what will happens
I have to care about myself, otherwise he will make me going crazy ,...
Thank you for your answer:)
 
 
Answered by Dr. Andrew Rynne MD 1 hour later
Thank you XXXXXXX

You are very welcome. Sorry I could not be more helpful. Your situation is not great to say the very least

Andrew Rynne.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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