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Positive thinking,Selfishness,jealousy - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Average Posted in: Mental Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 37 Questions
Doctor :   Hi
User :   hi
User :   sir i have a mental health query
Doctor :   Ok
User :   i wanna know when to think for yourself and when for others
User :   actually i am v giving in my relationships
User :   and sometimes do that even at the expense of myself
User :   this habit is annoying
Doctor :   Ok
User :   and has caused me a lot of trouble in life
User :   so i wanna know how to establish healthy boundaries
User :   when to think 4 me
User :   n when 4 others
Doctor :   Always when you start thinking, you should do it with positive mind
User :   ok
Doctor :   that is your thought and actions are productive
Doctor :   and it is helpful
User :   ok
User :   what else sir?
Doctor :   When you think about one thing, and are you putting it in actions or not?
Doctor :   IF yes, would it benefit me or others?
User :   means?
Doctor :   Would it benefit others more than me? If yes, you can do it
User :   i didnt got what u r saying
Doctor :   If it benefits yourself more than others or if it hurts others? Just do not do it
User :   pls explain
Doctor :   The thoughts that you get should be helpful for others
Doctor :   Ok
User :   even if it is harmful for me?
Doctor :   If they are harmful for you, please check if it is a major harm or only hurts
Doctor :   Harmful is different from hurting
User :   ok
User :   if major harm?
Doctor :   If it is harmful do not do it
User :   then?
User :   harmful for me?
Doctor :   If it just hurts and you can bear it for few days
Doctor :   you can do it
Doctor :   Yes
Doctor :   Please go ahead
User :   ok
User :   sorry got dc
User :   so what were u saying?
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   So whenever you have thoughts and want to act on those thoughts
Doctor :   YOu have to think if the action is beneficial to others
Doctor :   Then two things come up, Yes or No
Doctor :   If yes, then think if it is good for me or not
Doctor :   If yes, you can proceed to do it
User :   and if it harms me then?
Doctor :   If No, it is harmful to me or hurts me
Doctor :   If it is harmful, then do not do it
User :   harmful?
User :   ok
User :   n hurts?
Doctor :   If it just hurts, then you can bear it, you may proceed to do it
Doctor :   If it hurts and not bearable at all, do not do it
User :   let me give u an example doctor so that u will understand my situation better
Doctor :   yes
User :   if i am excelling at something like as i am a good dancer and if someone close to me gets jealous of it,i feel bad doing it even though i want to do it badly
User :   like there is a frnd of mine
User :   i am a gud student
User :   n once i got v good marks
User :   n she got jealous
User :   couldnt hide her jealousy from me
User :   so next time when i wanted to study
User :   i was constantly thinking that if i will study and get good marks she will feel bad
Doctor :   ok
User :   and i didnt wanted to be in that situation again
Doctor :   Look this is not your problem
Doctor :   It is the problem with her
User :   i am kind of over sensitive
User :   but how to handle it
Doctor :   You should realize that and try to be co operative with her
Doctor :   It is human nature ot be jealous
User :   i will meet so many people like ths in future
User :   ok
User :   ya
User :   how to handle it then?
Doctor :   You should not ruin your career thinking about some one's jealousy
User :   ok then wat should i do in this case?
Doctor :   You should help her to study or dance like you
Doctor :   You should be more friendly with her
Doctor :   You should engage her in every step you take
Doctor :   for every study you make
User :   ok
User :   and?
Doctor :   She should realize the importance of being with you
Doctor :   and how it helps her
User :   ok
Doctor :   Be considerate for her jealously
Doctor :   Even if she says few things about you to others, be cheerful to her
User :   so should i stop doing those things of which she feels jealous of me?
Doctor :   Give the same warmth of friendship and help her to realize
User :   i like studying n dancing a lot
Doctor :   You should study more and dance more
Doctor :   But you should also try to engage her
Doctor :   every time
Doctor :   Call her up for the dance and study
User :   but when i do that i feel bad as if i m being selfish
Doctor :   You are not being selfish there
Doctor :   You are being more considerate
Doctor :   in extending your friendship to her
User :   what is being selfish then?
Doctor :   even though she feels jealously
Doctor :   Selfish is harming others by benefitting yourself
User :   what is being selfish then?
User :   ok
Doctor :   Here you are benefitting yourself and your friend also
User :   but i m thinking for myself here na?
User :   my studies n dance even when she feels bad bout it
Doctor :   Here you are thinking about her first and then yourself?
User :   means?
Doctor :   You are trying to improve her performance in dance and study
Doctor :   You are making her learn
User :   is it ok to be selfish?
Doctor :   You are helping her give her best with your tips and guidance
Doctor :   yes
User :   what?
User :   really?
Doctor :   Selfish is not really understood by you
User :   then please tell me
Doctor :   You just follow my advice
User :   ok what is it?
Doctor :   1) Be close to her, help her in improving her performance at dance and school
User :   ok
Doctor :   Hence this is not selfish
User :   hey is caring for your needs like career,health etc.selfish?
Doctor :   No
Doctor :   Not at all
Doctor :   These are basic things
User :   when is ok to be selfless and when to be selfish?
Doctor :   What is your age?
User :   20
Doctor :   Selfless ness is to be expressed when you are helping other to improve their conditions or state of living
User :   ok
Doctor :   like helping poor, helping friends for improving in studies, helping some one who is met with accident
Doctor :   helping some one who is recovering from illness
User :   should we help others even is it harming us?
Doctor :   Give me one example
Doctor :   where it harms you
User :   ok
Doctor :   In all the above incidents it is harmless
User :   like if someone needs your help and its your examination the next day?
User :   n u have not studied anythng
Doctor :   It depends on what kind of help the other person needs
Doctor :   It also depends on how much time you are going to spend to help
User :   say 5-6 hrs
Doctor :   what kind of help the other person needs
User :   let me give u another example
User :   there is something being distributed in the class
User :   n u and one more person is left
User :   and there is only 1 of that thng left
User :   will u give it to
User :   that person or keep for urself?
Doctor :   What is that distributed? Hence it depends
User :   like some notes or somethng
User :   whch r important
Doctor :   If it is notes, I would give to other and ask her time to note it down
Doctor :   for myself
User :   means?
Doctor :   I will note down the notes and give back it to the other person
User :   they r too big 4 u to write down
User :   say 10 pages or so
Doctor :   Take a xerox of it
User :   lol
Doctor :   Try to be considerate towards others
Doctor :   and help yourself
User :   arrey how should i explain it to u
Doctor :   and do not think it is going to harm you or hurt you
Doctor :   Every thing in the world has a compromise without hurting others or yourself
User :   really?
User :   u thre doctor?
Doctor :   yes
Doctor :   Do you have more questions
User :   no
Doctor :   You will learn to lead such life as you experience
User :   ok
Doctor :   DO not think too much and spoil your relationships
Doctor :   and study
User :   ok
Doctor :   Keep doing hard work for dance and studies
Doctor :   and help others to raise their scores
User :   ok
User :   so i should help myself n others too?
Doctor :   Yes
User :   one question
Doctor :   Do not get messed up or confused between the two
User :   if i have to choose one out of two should i choose
User :   myself or others?
User :   pls tell
Doctor :   I cannot answer this question directly
User :   why?
Doctor :   You have critically analyze such situation
Doctor :   and discuss this with your parents and friends
Doctor :   Some decisions cannot be taken by yourself alone
Doctor :   In such cases, take the majoirty opinion and follow
Doctor :   and do not regret for what you have done
User :   nobody is willing to help me wth that so i thought of taking advice of a wise person like u
Doctor :   If it harms you, do not do it
User :   ok
Doctor :   If it does not harm you, please carry on
User :   ok
Doctor :   As the world is growing more selfish
Doctor :   yoiu should think about yourself
Doctor :   also
User :   ok
User :   and if it hurts?
Doctor :   do not do it
User :   u said earlier if it hurts even then do it
Doctor :   That is what you are not convinced in your situations
User :   means?
Doctor :   If you are not convinced you have to do what is comfortable for you, you cannot go against that and have regrets later
Doctor :   the topic that we hve is a never ending discussion and there is no right or wrong
Doctor :   You just have to take decisions on fly and carry it
User :   can u tell me 1 thng
User :   u said-that is what u r not convinced in your situations
User :   can u rephrase it?
User :   i didnt got what u said
User :   u can write in hindi if u want to i have no problem doc
Doctor :   Every action should be done heartfully
Doctor :   Is it not
User :   ok
Doctor :   Yes or no
User :   heartfully?
Doctor :   From the heart
User :   depends
User :   sometimes yes sometimes not
Doctor :   Ok, if it is done heartfully that means you are convinced
Doctor :   and please do not worry about what is done
User :   ok
Doctor :   If sometimes you have not done heartfully
Doctor :   and it hurt others or yourself, learn it as an experience and be cautious in future
Doctor :   That is it
User :   ok
User :   thank u doc for ureffort
Doctor :   Thanks
Doctor :   Bye for now
User :   ya
User :   bye
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