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No sexual desire - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 13-Jan-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Sexual Problems
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2408 Questions
Doctor :   Hi
User :   hi
Doctor :  
How can I help you?
User :   i am having some sex related problems
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  
Proceed with it
User :   am i chatting to the right Dr?
Doctor :  
Sure
Doctor :  
I am dr. here
User :   my age is 31 married for 3 yrs
Doctor :  
Ok
User :   glad to know
User :   i have 1 kid of 2 yrs
User :   my wife is completely not interested in sex
Doctor :  
Ok
User :   whereas i feel that i should have it atleast once / twice in a week
Doctor :   Yes, thats right

User :   she can be without it for months together
Doctor :  
Ok
User :   due to this i am feeling depressed and our relationship is getting strained
User :   nowadays i am not able to sleep properly
Doctor :   Ok
User :   its is affecting my daily routine
Doctor :  
Ok
User :   i have spoken to her..she looks down on sex and says it is stupid tohave
Doctor :  
Since when has this problem been?
User :   i don t know what to do
User :   this has been there since we got married
Doctor :   Ok
User :   but only recently i have spoken about it to her
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  
That is a good move
User :   but she doesn t seem to understand
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  
May I know her age?
User :   26
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
What has been the frequency of sex till date?
User :   approx about once in 3 months
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  
It has been the same case since marriage
User :   yes....initially we did about once a week for a month....then she got pregnant...so she did not allow me to touch her one year...after delivery...after 3 months...this is the case
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  

The reason for her disinterest could be hectic work and/or lack of sexual satisfaction
User :   we both r working...we both come late at night only ...about 8 or 9 pm
Doctor :   Ok

User :   but when i talk to her she tells me not expect it from her.....so i get irritated...
User :   if she is tired....she can cooperate atleast in the weekend...she is not doing that also
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :  
thats true
User :   there is nothing at home to work...servant is there for accessory work and my in-law does thhe cooking....
Doctor :  
As a person what are her interests?
Doctor :   Meaning has she gone into too much of religious or spiritual things?
User :   she has interests in talking to her friends, she wants me to take her outing everywhere...she likes talking....and spending time with baby and her parents
Doctor :   Ok

User :   No...she is not spiritual at all....she rarely goes to temple
Doctor :  
How about movies, music, hotels?
User :   she likes them all....
Doctor :   Anything like Yoga or meditation she is used to?
User :   No...she hates them
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
So I dont think that there are hindrances
User :   the hindrance i feel is in the mind....
Doctor :  
If you dont mind I would like to ask about her menstrual and personal history?
User :   s
Doctor :   How are her periods?

User :   they r mostly regular...sometimes a delay of 2 or 3 days
Doctor :   fine
Doctor :  

Is she taking any medicines for contraception?
User :   No....she has never adopted any such things till date
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
What method have you been following?
User :   Nothing....
User :   she asks me take out when i feel like coming...
Doctor :  
Has she made any complaints during sex, like having pain, or not being satisfied?
User :   she has told that she has never felt satisfied...
Doctor :   Ok

Doctor :  
that could be a reason for her behaviour
User :   sometimes after sex, she reports pain
User :   she tells that she gets noting out of sex
Doctor :  
Have you noticed her getting attracted towards other men/women?
User :   also she doesn t allow me to touch her breasts....
Doctor :   Ok

User :   No.......
Doctor :  
Thats fine
Doctor :  
Now what you should do now is to take her to a sexual counsellor
Doctor :  
couple therapy mainly
Doctor :  
both have to go together
Doctor :  
where it can be discussed with her in detail
Doctor :  
and also suitable guidance will be given to improve sexual life of both
Doctor :   May the thoughts about sex

User :   i already spoke to her about it....she is not willing to come also....
Doctor :  
how to engage in more of foreplay
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
You should try to take her
Doctor :  
Tell her some lie and take her there
User :   i am afraid it will make things worse...
Doctor :  
No it does not
Doctor :  
It shall really help you
User :   she feels that i need only sex from her...
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
That is in your behaviour
Doctor :  
and you should think upon that
User :   i can understand .........i feel really difficult to convince her....
Doctor :   Should try

User :   ok.....what will they do?
Doctor :  
Meanwhile do you have problem of early ejaculation
Doctor :  
They shall counsel her and you as a couple
User :   yes.....i do have....
Doctor :  
and also individually
Doctor :  
discussing in detail like what method you should follow
Doctor :  
for betterment
Doctor :  
As of now, advice from my side
Doctor :  
is engage more in foreplay
Doctor :  
keep your apprehensions low
User :   i tried it..but she falls asleep in about 5 mins....
Doctor :  
Ok
Doctor :  
There is something hidden
Doctor :  
which can be brought out with discussion with her
Doctor :  
You can do one more thing
Doctor :  
like she can chat with us
User :   she tells that she haves a habit of falling asleep quickly as soon as in bed....
Doctor :  
give her full privacy
Doctor :  
in consulting us
Doctor :  
or you can order for get a call from doctor
User :   she is not available now...
Doctor :  
where one of our doctor shall call her
Doctor :  
If she wants a female doctor, do mention about it
User :   ok...what is it..?
Doctor :  
We can make arrangements for that
Doctor :  
here one of our doctors in the panel
Doctor :  
shall give her a call
Doctor :  
and discuss this problem with her
Doctor :  
So that we can counsel her to some extent
Doctor :  
and know the ground reality
User :   ok.... as of now i need 2 things..
Doctor :  
Ok
User :   1. is there some way of completely eliminating my sex feeling...?
Doctor :   No, it is not done

User :   y?
Doctor :  
and need not also
Doctor :  
there is no necessity
Doctor :  
there are no authenticated drugs for that
User :   you mean there r lot of side effects?
Doctor :  
and is not a medical condition as such
Doctor :  
which is recognised to treat
User :   but i have been struggling for 3 years
Doctor :  
You should rather think about your wife to increase her sexual drive
Doctor :  
and not this method
User :   true.....but she is feeling bad that i am seeking it from her....
Doctor :  
sex is purely a mental process till stimulation and post intercourse as well
Doctor :  
She should be counselled
Doctor :  
thats what I have been repeating it to you
User :   ok....is there a way of controlling my depression and is there a way to fall asleep immediately at night?
Doctor :   No

Doctor :  
It is not there
User :   i wish to why she doens t allow me to touch her breasts? is it normal?
Doctor :   No, it is not a normal issue

Doctor :  
That should be discussed with here
Doctor :  
'her
User :   she has told that she feels like tickling and no feeling...
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