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Marital issues, smoking , stress , feels depressed - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Excellent Posted in: Depression
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2408 Questions
Doctor :   Hi
Doctor :   Dr AAAAAAA here
User :   hello
Doctor :   Please proceed with your query.
User :   mam it seems that i am facing bad stokes of deepression
Doctor :   ok
User :   Excess of smoking
Doctor :   could you please elaborate on it, I will surely help you
User :   some personal relation problems taking a toll over me
User :   due to which not able to focus on work ,diet
User :   do not like to talk anybody
Doctor :   ok
User :   want abreak deperately
User :   getting iriitated all the time
Doctor :   please complete your history, i am reading everything once your done, let me know so that i start with my advice.
User :   anoyed behaviour
User :   anger
User :   more temaptation to smoke
User :   thats what is happening
User :   trying to compete with myself
User :   so can u help
Doctor :   OK
Doctor :   may i ask you a few relevant questions.
User :   also no sound sleep bad dreams
User :   ya plz
Doctor :   may i know your age?
User :   28
Doctor :   are you married?
User :   yes
User :   but on a verge of breakoff
Doctor :   ok , i understand
User :   just married in december
Doctor :   would you be comfortable sharing more details with me?
User :   yes
Doctor :   ok , may i ask you what is the reason for the break up?
Doctor :   is it anything major, anything related to health ?
User :   various major is imaturity
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   any problems in sexual life?
User :   plenty
Doctor :   ok , could you elaborate ?
User :   she doesnot want to use precautions
Doctor :   I am asking you these questions as i find them relevant to get an idea as to why your feeling depressed , any time you feel uncomfortable, you can tell me.
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   are you with me?
User :   yes
Doctor :   ok , is it like she is looking for a pregnancy and you do not want it?
User :   she has a family to support & to younger bro & sis she has loan of 4 lacs on her she said to me use precaution with some other female
Doctor :   ok , so she does not want to involve in sex?
User :   god knows what she wants
Doctor :   ok , you got married in december 2010?
User :   yes
Doctor :   ok , let me try to help you
User :   she is at her mothers place studying for her exams
Doctor :   i will summarize my suggestions
Doctor :   I would want to tell you, its just been a few months since you got married
User :   she says she married me for mysake
Doctor :   these problems will arise
Doctor :   it is a part and parcel of married life
Doctor :   but that does not mean you will end up in a break up
Doctor :   this issue can always be sorted out patiently by talking to her
Doctor :   due to this , you are feeling that your getting depressed and smoking
User :   tried she does not want to meet me
Doctor :   she will meet you
Doctor :   please listen to me
User :   sorry
Doctor :   i would want to help you in this way
Doctor :   the problems your having are normal, any married couple will feel this, adjustment problems are very common in life after marriage initially for first 5 months or so
User :   ok
Doctor :   you and your wife are not able to cope up with adjustment problems on each other side
Doctor :   give it time
User :   ok
Doctor :   i would also want to tell you to remove the though that your falling into depression
Doctor :   this is not depression but just how anybody , including me and you would react to a marriage
Doctor :   this is leading you to smoke more
Doctor :   and the work also is adding to it
Doctor :   so let us try to get to the main problem for all this, WHICH I FEEL IS THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS WITH YOUR WIFE.
Doctor :   sorry for the capitals
Doctor :   may i now ask you do you agree with this?
User :   shud i take a break
User :   yes i do
Doctor :   i feel the first thing i want to know is, do you want her in your life, having gone so far till marriage, do you want to leave her?
User :   no
Doctor :   exactly , then why are you thinking of a break up
User :   no i dont want to break this relation
Doctor :   if you talk to her , understand her point of view things can be sorted out
User :   thats in her mind
Doctor :   yes , if it is in her mind, she will also be fine with time, as marriage is a sacred bond
Doctor :   give it time
User :   ok
Doctor :   talk to her, if you can take a break from work, do it , spend time with her
Doctor :   explain your problems as well and ask her problems too.
Doctor :   tell her that she is important to you
Doctor :   im sure she will also say the same about you
User :   i will try this after her exams
Doctor :   even after this, if things do not work out , there are marriage counselors available
Doctor :   you both can seek their help
User :   i.e 7th april
Doctor :   you can see a psychiatrist for the same, they will counsel as well
Doctor :   7th april is coming soon , till then please keep your mind calm
User :   thank you mam
Doctor :   everything has a solution
Doctor :   so we can handle it
Doctor :   you are not into depression remove it from mind
Doctor :   every couple will have problems
Doctor :   its just how you deal with it
Doctor :   are you there with me?
User :   ye mam
Doctor :   after exams you may talk to her, till then reduce stress, be positive that things will work out, take a break if possible and get back to life
User :   ok
Doctor :   the more you think negative, the more you will smoke
Doctor :   this is a very common problem
Doctor :   not only you, all of us face it daily
User :   ok
Doctor :   family problems are common
Doctor :   please try meditation , deep breathing
Doctor :   this wil help you
User :   ok
Doctor :   hope things get sorted out soon, talk to friends, family, anyone you trust
User :   but somehow the focus is less
Doctor :   do not be alone , share your feelings
Doctor :   yes , the marital problem is making you focus less
Doctor :   once your wife and you clear things, everything will be fine
Doctor :   we call this an adjustment problem
User :   ok
Doctor :   happens during new changes in life like illness, stress,marriage also being one.
Doctor :   as time passes they will get settled
Doctor :   hardly need any treatment
Doctor :   this is not depresson
User :   ok
Doctor :   i hope i was of some help
Doctor :   did you follow my suggestions?
User :   yes i hope things may workout now
Doctor :   im happy that you are positive
Doctor :   do not worry, she will understand
Doctor :   wish you all the best for this
Doctor :   and your marriage will workout
Doctor :   lay a strong foundation.
Doctor :   good luck
Doctor :   are there any more questions for me to help you with ?
User :   no thanx a lot mam
Doctor :   pleasure here
Doctor :   thanks for consulting me
Doctor :   you could chat with us anytime again
Doctor :   Bye for now .
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