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Depression causing suicidal thoughts - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 13-Jan-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Depression
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 37 Questions
Doctor :   hi
User :   hi
Doctor :   how can i help you
User :   euh, what sort of docter are you
Doctor :   I am a General Practitioner, I believe I can help you within my expertise
User :   ok, how long can we talk, because it was so cheap
Doctor :   how much did you pay
Doctor :   it will come with time mentioned i suppose
User :   the 24 hours thing, i think only 6 $
Doctor :   yes
Doctor :   until your doubt is cleared
Doctor :   within this time
User :   i have a mental problem, and would like to talk about that, willing to pay more if needed
Doctor :   okay
Doctor :   you can proceed
User :   well i hate life
Doctor :   i would like to know some of your details
User :   like what ?
Doctor :   your age
User :   i am 32, i am flemish, i speak dutch but english is ok
Doctor :   okay your marital status
User :   i am living together with my boyfriend in an open gay fetish relation
Doctor :   okay
Doctor :   your occupation
User :   i currently work as an (no translation possible) person that walk or cycles on the street and fixes problems, with people or with things to do with the city
Doctor :   okay
User :   community guard you could call it maybe
Doctor :   now we can proceed
Doctor :   thats good
User :   well i hate life i would like to step out of it, and this is a bit wrong i think
User :   i have many issues with myself
Doctor :   you can discuss so that i can make you come out of this.
Doctor :   in this world ther are so many troubles
Doctor :   which can be solved
Doctor :   i hope yours is one among this
User :   i know, and they can be fixed, but i do not want to live anymore but dont want to hurt the others around me
User :   but dont want to hurt the others around me
Doctor :   you are just 32 right
User :   yes
User :   have tried it twice but fucked it up
Doctor :   what is your dislike
Doctor :   in life
User :   life does not seem to suit me
User :   i dont want to life like others
Doctor :   ok your likes
User :   well i want to but i can not
User :   everybody says there is nothing wrong with me, but i think i am insane
Doctor :   why is that so
User :   everhting in life is a struggle
Doctor :   thats the truth
User :   for example a few weeks ago i had a date and all i wanted to do was kill the guy
User :   ps i am also a junky
Doctor :   why was that didnt you like him
User :   i have tried to talk with local medical help but when i meet people face to face i can not talk about what is bothering me
User :   the guy was ok
User :   but i get off on sick things
User :   in sex i am only content if i see blood
Doctor :   you like red
User :   i know this is not abnormal but for me it is
User :   not to say red, but blood, when i sub i only want to have hard pain
User :   ps i am not faking this is serious for me
Doctor :   yes it is manly thing
User :   euh?
Doctor :   it is not only with you
Doctor :   but many
User :   but i can not handle it
User :   that is one of my problems, and there are so many others
User :   i dont know anymore how to cope with it all
User :   and i would like to step out of life, but i dont really want to hurt anybody
Doctor :   cool it is not a very bad thing
User :   specially my boyfriend and my parents
Doctor :   but you should accept it
Doctor :   that you are not at wrong
Doctor :   to quit so soon
User :   i see life as one big torture game by god
User :   yet i still hope it is not
Doctor :   it is always like that
User :   i can not stop thinking about such things, my mind keeps spinning aournd
Doctor :   we blame him for everything
Doctor :   but dont worry
Doctor :   everything as an solution
User :   i have tried so much, i dont know anymore what to do
User :   everything fails
Doctor :   is it the only thing make you feel so
User :   i just hate everything
Doctor :   your boyfriend
User :   i like him
Doctor :   your parents
User :   they have been there
Doctor :   your room that you stay with your boy friend
User :   ..
Doctor :   those people whom you help daily
User :   i wish there was something wrong with me so i could be helped. i feel so lost
Doctor :   If you are sure that you want to come out this problem
Doctor :   then i am ready to say you something you would like
User :   i just dont have the energy anymore, i am so empty
Doctor :   which will make your heart light
User :   i just want to die
Doctor :   but if that creates problem to those you like
Doctor :   will you do that hten
User :   i dont know anymore how long i can hold on
Doctor :   what will your boyfriend think if you kill yourself
Doctor :   will he not htink that he was at fault
User :   it would ruin his life. My mother will start drinking again and might kill herself. I dont know what it will do to my father
Doctor :   dont you think your parents and neighbors would blame him
User :   but why should i suffer for them
Doctor :   it is not suffering
Doctor :   until you think it so
Doctor :   you were fine
User :   it is, life is feels so painful to me
Doctor :   life is always like that
Doctor :   see a child crying the whole world will try t console it
User :   why should i contuniue then, will there never be no end to it
User :   i wish i was never born
Doctor :   there is an end for every problem
Doctor :   we can wish many
Doctor :   but we dont have patients to wait for
Doctor :   it to be fulfilled
User :   and the only one i have left is to kill myself, before something goes wrong
Doctor :   do you any other problem thats driving you
User :   i have waited so long, i have tied so much, i have given up hope
Doctor :   hope is to br nurtured during struggle
User :   there are but less important
User :   i just need somebody to say to me, yes kristof you are right it is better that you are dead
Doctor :   are you the only son to your parents
User :   yes
User :   ps willing to pay more to contineu chatting
Doctor :   ok dont worry about it
User :   you also have to make a living,
User :   why do i always bother others
Doctor :   i am online with you you can be here now
User :   i am just a waste of space
Doctor :   its not bothering
User :   i wish i could have the nerve again to kill myself
Doctor :   did you get hurt
User :   i even fail at suicide
Doctor :   that is your victory
User :   when i woke up the second time, my first thoughts were, fuck i am still alive
Doctor :   i want to know your height and weight
User :   metric
User :   1m70, +-135kg
Doctor :   yes
User :   i am on medication and also on drugs
Doctor :   for
User :   medication for depression
Doctor :  
can i know which one
User :   have to think
User :   risperdal, efexor, trozalan and
User :   wellbutrin
User :   those are the names i think
Doctor :   okay did that improve your wellness and thought
User :   i wish i could talk to dokters here, but i freeze up
User :   a bit, but not really
Doctor :   thats fine
Doctor :   i would like to know when was your physical xamination last
Doctor :   done
User :   i want to talk to people about my problems, but everybody says nothing is wrong
User :   my what ?
User :   euh, general check up you mean
Doctor :   your health checkup
Doctor :   yes
User :   was with my psychiater 3 monts ago, since there is nothing wrong i was not necessairy to go evey month
User :   spychiatrist i mean
Doctor :   okay how long you are consulting the doc
User :   that one, since october last year i think
User :   but when i am there i can not talk
User :   so he has a vage idea there is something wrong, but not what
Doctor :   okay now you can say all your problems
User :   dont think he cares
Doctor :   okay you can say to me
User :   sorry to say, but my general opinion is that docters dont care.
Doctor :   no problem
Doctor :   we make those who care to care for you
User :   i just got out of an depression and i think i am in a new one
User :   just got a new job, a chance at life and now it is gone again, like always
User :   why can i not be like others
Doctor :   why was that
Doctor :   job gone
User :   my previous one, well because i could not cope anymore
User :   and yet everybody says i have no problems.
Doctor :   was that also similar job
User :   no something different
Doctor :   the people over there
Doctor :   are they kind enough to you
User :   yes
User :   but i just can not explain what is wrong
User :   apperently everything i think is normal
User :   i wish they would just lock me up
User :   i want to get out off society, it is not made for me. It is to complicated
Doctor :   okay how about you being in an remote area
Doctor :   wher there are no one you know
User :   where i life, nothing is remote, nowhere in europe,
User :   how would i make a living,
User :   i know what you are getting at, thought about that to, but then you have my bizare sexuality. My need for extreem pain and degredation
Doctor :   thats what i wanted from you
User :   i cannot imagine a senario that would work
Doctor :   there is one thing that will help you a lot
Doctor :   that is explain yourself
User :   how do you mean
Doctor :   in brief about your childhood to now
Doctor :   the good and bad
Doctor :   your personal look personally and physically
Doctor :   it will be wonderfull
Doctor :   you will discover yourself
User :   tried to write it down, i got a general idea, but what then
Doctor :   the good and bad in your life
Doctor :   when you look at them troug your own view
Doctor :   you will see the answer for all your questions
Doctor :   and even remedy for your depression
Doctor :   how is the ?
User :   i have been dowing that and the only workable solution is suicide
Doctor :   but it is very simple and has worked as a miracle
Doctor :   but remember to do that you should calm your mind first
User :   my mind is never calm, i can not stop thinking
Doctor :   and start with an happy moment in your life
Doctor :   calm is not what you think
Doctor :   calm means not to stop thinking
Doctor :   calm is to think about things around us
Doctor :   making ouself usefull to them
Doctor :   which gives us happiness
Doctor :   when we walk
Doctor :   we never who has put the road
Doctor :   but we walk
Doctor :   it will make the person who worked on it happy
Doctor :   you might ask
Doctor :   how will you know
Doctor :   or how will he know
Doctor :   just by looking at it he will know it
Doctor :   look a pot when it is used it is worn out
Doctor :   but it served the purpose
User :   i will try to think about that. I think i also might be better that i do not do to work and try to get some help
Doctor :   when there are peple to help you
Doctor :   there are always people whom you can help
Doctor :   it should be both side give and receive
User :   like helping people, seems sometimes i do nothing else
Doctor :   of course it feels so but see that
Doctor :   it is not so
User :   explain please
Doctor :   like you might help a person who as fallen down to stand up
Doctor :   it is simple isnt it
User :   rather help people with mental problems
Doctor :   of course
Doctor :   but that requires more patients
Doctor :   if you have seen people who are helping them
User :   i am going to have to leave you, i am so exhausted
Doctor :   okay then fill the feed back forms
User :   ok i will
Doctor :   and comeback to our paid service
User :   where can i findthem
User :   have bookmarked them
Doctor :   we are available 24hrs/ 7
User :   good to know
Doctor :   at your service
Doctor :   i am Dr AAAAAAA and will be available at this timing
User :   thank you very much for listening
Doctor :   Okay Bye
User :   bye
Doctor :   have a nice thoughts
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